HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

This topic is for posting comments to:

Warriors Of Zanzibar - Chapter 1
Posted by DarkMage (ResidentEvilSurvivor@hotmail.com)
9 August 2004, 8:56 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=darkmage.0809040856061.html

Brutebasher · Member Joined: 22 Aug 2004 Posts: 1

That's a wonderful beginning DarkMage and I can't wait for the next chapter!

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

You know, this reminds me of a story, it was by 343 Salty Beans; anyway, let's see is you can beat his story.
First off, you need to use the code. You can find out about the code by visiting the link marked "Direction for use of the Fan Fiction submision form" at the bottom of this post. Now as for the Spartans, I don't think that you got their attitudes quite right. You made them sound more like Marines that Spartan soldiers. Some of the details were off, like when is the last time you saw a safty on an M41 Light Anti-aircraft Gun? Your details were ok for the most part, though you might try to enhance them at parts. I see you are making this a MP based thing, as you have names other than their own to describe them. This is ok, but it would not be preferable to try to incorperate this into the main Halo-verse storyline. Just keep it MP.

Overall, so far so good, but keep working.
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-MCC

DarkMage · Member Joined: 23 Aug 2004 Posts: 3 Location: Earth

Did i say that i wanted to beat his story? I enjoyed 343 Salty Beans' story also, but i am not trying to make my story better than his, because im just doing this for fun ok? Smile

Anyway, thanks for reading the story. Sorry about the details i have done wrong. And, enhance them in what way, i would love to see what you have in mind (im not being sarcastic or anything)

Your comments about the story will help me on further projects.

Thanks a lot

DarkMage