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Of Fire and the Void: Part Four
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 04, 2005 4:15 pm    Post subject: Of Fire and the Void: Part Four Reply with quote

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Of Fire and the Void: Part Four
Posted by SeverianofUrth
2 February 2005, 4:45 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=severianofur.0202051645084.html
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Azrael
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 04, 2005 6:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Odd. It wasn't that I didn't like it, I thought it was well-written, but the concept...just...odd.

I suppose I should never read a series midway without reading the preceeding chapters, but that's me.

But it was formatted fine and well-written. Continue on with this. I, for my part, will read parts 1-3 now.
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 04, 2005 6:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks, Azrael. yeah, it's odd- and very unlikely too, (not to mention the stupid title, which has nothing whatsoever to do with the story) but my defense is that I started this when I was still very much a n00b.

I should stop making excuses, actually. I wish I could change some things about this whole series (which only takes up like nine pages, max), but I have a strict policy against 'retooling' anything I write.

Oh, and I'm starting to experiment with different styles- I went for the present-tense, legal feeling this time. Not that I've succeeded- and I'm still most comfortable in first-person.
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CoLd BlooDed
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 04, 2005 7:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You know I've always been a fan of your work, Severian, and this was just as good as your others. Very different; unique. I remember this series, now...

Are you rejoining the HBO Fan Fiction community?
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 07, 2005 2:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks, CoLd.

It is kinda disheartening to get only two reviews... but I shouldn't complain- or should I?
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CoLd BlooDed
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 08, 2005 6:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would, not many people here recognize the authors that were appreciated way-back-when... kinda sad, really.

Seriously, people should read this.
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SYSTEM
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2005 1:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, Sevarian, you're back! I feel the teardrops welling up now, I'm so happy!

- Dave.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2005 2:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, I remember Severian. Now, weren't you writing a "battle against the n00bs" fic? That's something I remember, but never saw finished. Oh well. On to new things.

Yeah; this style has the poetic feel of First Person without being written from that confining perspective. I don't see that all too often around here. Kinda nice.

I did notice some sentenses that ran-on. And some small mistakes here and there. So, do watch out for that kind of thing. Mistakes just take away from a story.

Short. Real short. At the end, however, I found myself wishing you had taken it further.

It was indeed an interesting concept. You say that your other character was an Elite, but he spoke like a normal human. And there was no indication of him really differing - though there were some; subtle ones. Interesting.


Overall, this was pretty good. It is good to see you writing, Severian. There were some small problems, so don't ever forget to work towards improvement. Keep it up.
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2005 2:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow. Thanks, Dave, and MCC. And yeah, I'll be sure to improve- after all, that's why I write in the first place (well, besides the money, the fame, and the girls...)
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Azrael
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2005 2:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

...and the cars. Don't forget about the cars, dude.
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2005 3:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry, I somehow missed this one Sev. I'll be posting review before the day is out.

C.T. Clown
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2005 3:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
...and the cars. Don't forget about the cars, dude.
\

Yes... can't forget about those cars...
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2005 3:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Whoa, that didn't take long Very Happy

Very interesting, and you really got the reader wondering by the end. I thought that this was good--short, but good. Changing to first-person at the end was a nice touch and added to the intrigue. Not much else to say, since it is only the beginning, but I like it so far.

How can an Elite look human? One of the many questions that will make me want to read more.

C.T. Clown
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SeverianofUrth
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2005 4:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks, Chuckles.

To clear up any confusion, this is the fourth part, where James in remembering his first meeting with Henry. Henry is an Elite. James doesn't know that, at that time- as ridiculous as this sounds (my defense for this concept is that I was a n00b when I wrote this first), the Elites, in my story, have used 'holo-guisers' to infiltrate human organizations. Henry is one of them. But... he's not like them.
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2005 4:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So that's what you meant by "Part Four". Dang Very Happy Well . . . you know . . . that would have meant I had to read the title Embarassed

Thanks for clearing that up without using words/phrases like moron, idiot, embecile, loser, fool, "for those who are illiterate", "in case you didn't read the freaking title", "I know this is a deep concept", or "dumb da dumb dumb dumb!"

C.T. Clown
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