HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

The Devil's Maw: Part 1

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2004 9:16 am    Post subject: The Devil's Maw: Part 1 Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

The Devil's Maw: Part 1
Posted by Conrad Lauf (conniesworld_aka_hell@hotmail.com)
5 August 2004, 7:26 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=conrad_lauf.0805040726561.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
thedarkfire
Member


Joined: 03 Aug 2004
Posts: 1045
Location: Thousand post land. Oh look! A pidgeon!

PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2004 7:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

argrave is a spartan?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
Conrad Lauf
Member


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 139
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2004 10:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yep! For some reason, I like to write about adventures of other SPARTAN's, even though it's fairly inaccurate stuff. But what the hell. At least it means my main characters have a better chance of survival in my stories!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
CovieReaper
Member


Joined: 07 Aug 2004
Posts: 10
Location: California

PostPosted: Sat Aug 07, 2004 3:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i dunno........It was short but it ddint really have THAT much action, if you want some good action you should try out Zeta's Purifiers
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address MSN Messenger
Chuckles
Member


Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Sun Aug 08, 2004 11:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I thought you did a good job. Coloring outside the lines is OK.

While I like block paragraphing (which is what I do, and what it looks like you are trying to do) you must remember to have two spaces between paragraphs. Your story would have been much more readable had you done that.

Some things to keep in mind when you are writing about Spartans in MJOLNIR armor (which I know because I have screwed them up myself in the past) are:

--They have super-human reflexes (think Peter Parker beating up the bully in the hall in Spiderman).
--They can jump three meters straight up (at least).
--Their bones are nearly unbreakable (I had a lot of broken bones in my stories before I remembered that).
--They weigh about 1000 pounds.
--They are extremely professional, and rarely waste time complaining.

This is just a partial list, of course, but they are good to keep in mind. I didn't write that because I saw errors, but because I hope it will help. Heck, you probably knew all of that already, but in case you didn't . . .

C.T. Clown
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Conrad Lauf
Member


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 139
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Mon Aug 09, 2004 7:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Chuckles. The next chapter should utilise those tips.

Cheers Very Happy
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group