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The Priestess and the Warrior - Bottle of Smoke
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hboff
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 4:09 pm    Post subject: The Priestess and the Warrior - Bottle of Smoke Reply with quote

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The Priestess and the Warrior - Bottle of Smoke
Posted by Jillybean (jbean_gotmuse@yahoo.co.uk)
20 January 2005, 11:31 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=jillybean.0120052331446.html
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Phædrus
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 5:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You never cease to amaze me, Jilly. This was perfect. It was incredible. The feel of it - I'm sure that MCC is gonna be very happy with the alien gestures you included. You know what? You're too good for this. You ought' to be out writing novels and becoming world famous. But you choose to write here. And I will be selfish and suggest that you stay here, because you are the best writer here. You are the best writer anywhere. I've been reading Tom Clancy's "Hunt for Red October". This series is better than that book. You are better than a world famous author. You think I'm just being an ass kisser? Wrong. I am sincere. You are the best.
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 6:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Fan..atic. I think you have some brown on your nose there . . . you might want to get that. Wink
No, I'm just kidding, of course. Now, while I am very impressed (that's almost as high a piece of praise as you can get from me) with Jilly's skill as a writer, I still would not say she is the best anywhere. Now, perhaps her ego will prevent her from agreeing, but, while she has risen far and shown an awesome amount of skill, she still has a bit to go.
It would be interesting to see what kind of reviews she would get from the paid pros out there (I'm a pro, just not paid Very Happy ).
In my opinion, her writing may be at Clancy's at its best. But, I just like military stuff. So, we all know who wins in my mind. As for tHftRO, well, I think that book was a really good one. But, it does all depend on taste. Some people like reading about different stuff more than others. And if you are a Halo fan reading about the subject that you most enjoy, and it is written well, then you get a really good read out of it.


Anyway. Enough of my rambling.

Yes, I did like that inclusion of distinctly alien expressions and what not. Very nice. I'm glad to see that you actually took my advice there.

Interesting ending.

I don't have anything else to say. Nothing major at any rate. So, overall, this was one of your best yet. I will be waiting for another. Keep up the splendid work.
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Covie_Lover
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 7:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow. Just, Wow. You are a great author, Jillybean. I have almost no complaints, and the ones i do don't have to do with your story.

My only complaint is that your stories seem to cause everybody else to miss mine! Arrg! Why!?

Anyway, great job. I didn't notice and spelling or grammer errors, but then I was enjoying the story too much too notice any.

I look forward to the next chapter.


Mr. Green


p.s. I don't suppose you could kill Truth? I hate him. Alot.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 7:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Covie_Lover wrote:
I don't suppose you could kill Truth? I hate him. Alot.

Can I take this?

Well, as far as I know, Jilly is trying to keep with the main Halo 1 and 2 story line. And since Truth is in the second (and lives at the end), killing him off would be splitting from what Bungie made up.
Sure, she could do it, but I don't think it was in her plans. And we know that Truth likes Fulsamee (I think - whatever) fairly well in Halo 2, because if he didn't he would have killed him right off. That, or he is just a devious fellow that feels generous one day.

That's why I think she won't anyway. But, I'm thinking that you weren't entirely serious anyway. Nor did you expect that kind of reply.
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Covie_Lover
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 7:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Of course I wasn't serious, sillykins! Every good story needs someone you can passionately hate. And, for me at least, that is Truth.

So don't kill him. I want to him to stay alive. It would ruin the story to do otherwise.

And I don't think I'm goin to call MCC "sillykins" ever again. It looks wierd
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Jillybean
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 7:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks guys Very Happy

Professionally, no one compares me to other authors (they're not allowed) but I get good remarks about my characters.
Bad remarks about overall description

It's something I'm really having to work on.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 7:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'd agree with that. You do a fine job of getting your characters across. But, overall, with everything, your details are kind of thin. But, everyone needs work.

"Sillykins"? Okay.
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LordsFire
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 7:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very good. On the good writer author thing...

I consider authoral skill the skill one uses to build a world. As in, when Tolkien built Ea for LOTR, he demonstrated the greatest authoral skill I have so far seen.

Writing skill, is the skill by which one expresses a world, and in an engaging way, where you can put yourself in the characters shoes and suchlike. Tolkien was not as good at this, although he was still quite good.

Jillybean, I would say, is a very VERY good writer, and a moderate author. The worlds she builds (at least for these stories) are interesting, but have no depth. In other words, they are throwaway worlds, somewhat like what most Anime movies have. Now, you can write a thrilling story in one of these worlds, but the more you write, the less well it holds up, until it eventually falls apart.

Of course, Jilly is working in someone else world (Bungie's), so that may be why I don't see much world depth, it's not her world to give depth.
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Berconius
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 9:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am going to be seriously bummed if/when characters like Galatash and Nakaka get bumped off. Perhaps I get attached to characters too easily. Oh well.

Actually, when I played through Halo 2, I definitely didn't get the idea that Truth liked the Arbiter. Everything he said and the way he said it sounded like he was gloating. The Arbiter's responses were always perfectly correct. In particular the portion where he BECOMES the Arbiter, I noticed a sense of defeat and a "beyond death" sort of resignation to Truth's will.

Remember when Regret is dead and Truth says "Ah, politics. So tiresome" or something to that effect, and "...this...change of hats"? It seemed like he mght be referring to an earlier instance when either he had been defeated or how he had come to power. It falls into this series very well.

Mr. Silicon? Razz
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Covie_Lover
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 9:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You got a point, Berconius.

"The counsel decided to have you hung by your entrails, and paraded through the streets. But, ultimately, the terms of your execution are up to me..."

"I am already dead."

"Indeed."
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thedarkfire
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 24, 2005 12:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wonderful Jilly. I did see exactly two spelling problems. Both of them a spellchecker would not pick up.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 24, 2005 3:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Do I even need to comment on this? No? I didn't think so. But I will, brilliant, brilliant, wonderful and not to forget; brilliant. I think that just about covers it, oh wait, it was brilliant Very Happy
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FaithPlusOne
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 24, 2005 3:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Your stories are great and you are very skilled, although some seem... overzealous in their lust to tell you so, because your writing is not perfect ("Only" great). I would agree with the people who tell you that your characters are your strength and your description is your weakness, I've noticed much of the same thing while reading your stories. However I would have to disagree with Lordsfire that Jillybean does not create depth in her worlds. While she's not at Tolkien level and could improve on her "authoral" skill, I think there is quite a bit of depth to her worlds that she merely takes little time to describe as she's eager to move the story (Just a guess). Can't wait for the next chapter.
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sam_fisha
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 24, 2005 7:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well I do believe she could get published (If she is not already) by several publishers. Because I have seen a lot of books I don't think are as good as this. Smile

As for the few spelling errors if you go through Fall of Reach and circle the spelling errors you will fing a few.
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