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Tales From the Homefront: Prologue: The Russian Front, Stali
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hboff
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 19, 2005 10:15 am    Post subject: Tales From the Homefront: Prologue: The Russian Front, Stali Reply with quote

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Tales From the Homefront: Prologue: The Russian Front, Stalingrad: Part 1: Into the Fires of Hell an
Posted by (ENS) Rabid_Gallagher (rabid_masterchief@hotmail.com)
15 January 2005, 4:31 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=ens_rabid_ga.0115050431361.html
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Azrael
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 19, 2005 2:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not bad. I mean, the whole beginning seems like a great Halo adaption of Call of Duty or Enemy at the Gates, but still quite good. It's one thing to watch it, another to write it.

I got a little confused on your description of the sniper's run to the foxhole, I thought she had made it, but then it seemed like she didn't...

...Oh yeah, and what's a "sapper"?

Overall, very good. The chapter just flew by. Looking forward to the urban combat.
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Covie_Lover
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 20, 2005 1:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bayonets vs. Covenant? Ugh.

Nice story though.

By the way, sappers are people who place explosives in battle. Sometimes, they are suicidal.
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Phædrus
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 20, 2005 2:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very good. Why you chose Russia, I don't know. Maybe you are doing a thing on WW2 in school right now?

Anyways, I don't see why they would be coming in to an LZ by boat. Why not use Pelicans? I understand how there was all sorts of Covenant anti-aircraft batteries set up and stuff, but I don't think that boats would stand much of a chance, either. And isn't Stalingrad inland?

But it's a good story nonetheless. It could have been a bit longer and you had a few spelling mistakes, but otherwise it was good. 8/10. Good job.
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thedarkfire
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 20, 2005 2:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, Stalingrad is inland. It is now the city of St. Petersburg. But Stalingrad does sound much better for war scenes.
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Phædrus
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 20, 2005 2:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Agreed. St. Petersburg sounds fruity.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 20, 2005 10:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

In school, Fan...atic? Uh, guess you don't know ENS is like 31, eh? Oh well.

Well, I like the Russian feel you gave to it, but I would have thought there were just mixed Marines. You could have done that and simply had the CO Russian; adding to the feel.
As for the boat, yeah, that struck me as "so 21st century", but, there is that river. So, use what you got I suppose.

I noticed some repeats of lines from your other series. Well, as good as some of those lines might be, try to keep those in one story. Be original with all others. That way, each series sounds distinctive. A story of its own.

I actually think the whole bayonett thing is fine. I mean, if I were in charge of that kind of thing, as long as the Marines still have their combat knives, heck, why not fix them on your gun to add a close quarters option? Makes perfect sense to me.

There are some general things in there that seem to just ail your writing as a whole. But, I mentioned them on your other story. So, just check that out and use it in all your writing. Makes things better. And I am sure you want to be as good as possible.

You could have exanded more and explained more about your plot and how and why you had set the story. Just kinda of a more prologue-ish thing, I suppose. Set the stage. But, you did that, to a fair degree.


Overall, I liked it. Didn't sound as modern as I would have expected, but, it was still okay. Keep up the good work. But don't stop trying to improve your writing. I only want to see the best from you.
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Phædrus
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 20, 2005 11:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is by ENS!?! *Checks top of page.* Oh crap! I didn't know that! And if I did, I forgot while reading it. Oops Embarassed .
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 21, 2005 12:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Damn right, guys.


Lemme explain why I chose Russian Marines for Mother Russia. I am currently making another fanfic that ties with this.

You see, there is a another human empire, The Russian Confederation, or the TRC as some in my fic's will call it.
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HoZ
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 21, 2005 12:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

this one was preety good
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mr bill
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 21, 2005 2:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"The sound of German gun fire was raging in the battleground in front of him."

Hunh? What?
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mr bill
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 21, 2005 2:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

And Stalingrand is Volgagrad now, on the Volga river (hence the water).

St. Petersburg used to be Leningrad, not Stalingrad.
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Elitehunter676
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Location: In the heat of battle with only four Marines and outnumbered three to one. Piss poor odds for them.

PostPosted: Fri Jan 21, 2005 9:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok you do know that there is no such thing as the Russian Confederation or whatever right? I mean your just making that up. Because realisticly you have to know that there is no such thing. It is simply the United Earth Government or UEG.
Also on a lighter note(If you want to ignore this, you can.) human weapons are no longer created with the ability to mount bayonets. This is because after the end of the Kolslovic Wars (Forgive me if I spelled that wrong) their tactical, uselessness, was recognized and thus no weapons were any longer modified to carry bayonets. Instead the option is given upon joining the Marine Corps, if you wish to be outfitted with a combat knife or an auxillary ammo bandolier.

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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 21, 2005 9:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No no no! Elite-dude, I meant that they "broke off" and now have a government on Earth and a large part of space.
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mr bill
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 7:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Elitehunter676 wrote:
Also on a lighter note(If you want to ignore this, you can.) human weapons are no longer created with the ability to mount bayonets. This is because after the end of the Kolslovic Wars (Forgive me if I spelled that wrong) their tactical, uselessness, was recognized and thus no weapons were any longer modified to carry bayonets. Instead the option is given upon joining the Marine Corps, if you wish to be outfitted with a combat knife or an auxillary ammo bandolier.


The AK 74 has a Bayonet mount.

...

Tactical uselessness? It's called "redundancy".
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