HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4352

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Bloodgulch CTF [part 1]
Posted by WRATHofGOD (wrathofgod@halo-zone.com)
4 August 2004, 5:29 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=wrathofgod.0804041729451.html

funkmon · Member Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 7

Pretty interesting so far. I like the idea of using Blood Gulch as a training area. You're story also seems to convey that it's far larger than it is in the game, which I also like for the context.

What about the Spartans' names, however? Sure, the MC uses Blue 3, red 2, ETC, but he also thinks of them by their first names. Linda, Kelly, James...

In order to build a 'relationship', to 'care' about the characters in the story, we really need the names of them, or else we're just linked to the MC, who seems a bit less human in this story. More robotic. Unless, of course, that's what you were aiming for.

Chuckles · Posted: Fri Aug 06, 2004 2:36 pm Post subject:

Good to see someone else taking a stab at multi-player fanfic.

A well ordered and well written story. Funkmon, MC does refer to them like it is written here. Take a look at his work on Sigma Octanus in The Fall of Reach.

This story is missing tension. The reader continues to read because something is on the line. You need some angst, pain, death, conflict, something. Get the reader invested in the story, and then mess with him mercilessly Smile

That is the fun of writing, and it keeps 'em reading.

Good writing. I'll look forward to your next one.

C.T. Clown

White elite · Member Joined: 31 Jul 2004 Posts: 26 Location: CA.SD

yea i agree with Chuckles it's missing something ,but don't know wat

Conrad Lauf · Member Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 139 Location: Australia

I know what it's missing!
ACTION!
We want this to represent what all Halo gamers see when they have a massive multi-player battle. We want insane stunts, with plenty of vehicle wars, and- what the hell. It's your story after all. But so far, I'm enjoying it.

Good work Smile

Conrad Lauf · Member Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 139 Location: Australia

Oh, and funkmon, maybe WRATH just didn't want to have to call his SPARTANs some really lame name. I mean, Jim or Linda isn't really a cool-sounding name for a hero is it? I'm not trying to argue here or anything, but I personally reckon SPARTANs sound good with ancient Greek names, like Argave.

But anyway, I don't really care what anyone does. Smile