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Bloodgulch CTF [part 1]

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2004 9:15 am    Post subject: Bloodgulch CTF [part 1] Reply with quote

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Bloodgulch CTF [part 1]
Posted by WRATHofGOD (wrathofgod@halo-zone.com)
4 August 2004, 5:29 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=wrathofgod.0804041729451.html
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funkmon
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2004 2:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pretty interesting so far. I like the idea of using Blood Gulch as a training area. You're story also seems to convey that it's far larger than it is in the game, which I also like for the context.

What about the Spartans' names, however? Sure, the MC uses Blue 3, red 2, ETC, but he also thinks of them by their first names. Linda, Kelly, James...

In order to build a 'relationship', to 'care' about the characters in the story, we really need the names of them, or else we're just linked to the MC, who seems a bit less human in this story. More robotic. Unless, of course, that's what you were aiming for.
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2004 2:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good to see someone else taking a stab at multi-player fanfic.

A well ordered and well written story. Funkmon, MC does refer to them like it is written here. Take a look at his work on Sigma Octanus in The Fall of Reach.

This story is missing tension. The reader continues to read because something is on the line. You need some angst, pain, death, conflict, something. Get the reader invested in the story, and then mess with him mercilessly Smile That is the fun of writing, and it keeps 'em reading.

Good writing. I'll look forward to your next one.

C.T. Clown
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White elite
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 07, 2004 12:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

yea i agree with Chuckles it's missing something ,but don't know wat
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Conrad Lauf
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 07, 2004 6:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I know what it's missing!
ACTION!
We want this to represent what all Halo gamers see when they have a massive multi-player battle. We want insane stunts, with plenty of vehicle wars, and- what the hell. It's your story after all. But so far, I'm enjoying it.

Good work Smile
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Conrad Lauf
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 07, 2004 9:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, and funkmon, maybe WRATH just didn't want to have to call his SPARTANs some really lame name. I mean, Jim or Linda isn't really a cool-sounding name for a hero is it? I'm not trying to argue here or anything, but I personally reckon SPARTANs sound good with ancient Greek names, like Argave.

But anyway, I don't really care what anyone does. Smile
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