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Halo: Stealth Combat Evolved: Part 1-Chapter 3

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 9:48 am    Post subject: Halo: Stealth Combat Evolved: Part 1-Chapter 3 Reply with quote

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Halo: Stealth Combat Evolved: Part 1-Chapter 3
Posted by Mind_Affecting_Parasite (pbplayer_24@yahoo.com)
3 August 2004, 4:58 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=mind_affecti.0803041658544.html
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.

PostPosted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 6:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wasn't really all for the interuptions thing. It broke up the flow of the flashback-ish thing. I guess it was supposed to. There were a few places where I almost got bored, but still wanted to keep reading. Also, there was a little issue with flow in other places; it wasn't too bad, but it could have been helped. The occasional spelling or grammar mistakes too, you need to be more vigilent with those, make sure to read it over before you post it. It seems like your leaning your story more to the Halo side than the SC side; which is a good thing in that this is a Halo based story. I like your reference to two thoughts out of the books. I think that the first was from FS from Fred, and the second was from tFoR from MC. Nice incorperation, without cutting and pasting.
And oh, I liked how you made them not shoot out all the lights of the metro thing. The AI in SC ins't really advanced enough to do more than walk over, look around, and go back to whatever. But at least they look for you. In a story though you have the potential to make the "AI" as smart as you want it. I'm not fully sure about the lights not fully lit in the halls. On the TaR all the halls are lit up like a Dutch Brothel, but it wouldn't have the feel of SC without darkness.
Oh, yes, the length. Like I said, I almost got bored in a couple places, but it was written well enough to keep me reading. That looked like it was bordering on the submission limit. Good work. Keep it up.
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Mastergrunt
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Joined: 04 Aug 2004
Posts: 23
Location: On a frozen world with methane.

PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2004 2:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I liked it a lot. The stealth based mission was very cool. You had lots of details but the interrupting and all did take away a bit from the story and smoothness. I'm looking forward to your next Enemy within chapter. Very Happy
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