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The Priestess and the Warrior - The Dutiful Love
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hboff
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 2:43 pm    Post subject: The Priestess and the Warrior - The Dutiful Love Reply with quote

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The Priestess and the Warrior - The Dutiful Love
Posted by Jillybean (jbean_gotmuse@yahoo.co.uk)
9 January 2005, 2:34 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=jillybean.0109051434284.html
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LordsFire
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Joined: 28 Dec 2004
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Location: Da U.P.

PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 6:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Muy Bueno! Excellente! BURP!

You have a rare gift, that you weave tales so, not merely telling a tale, but weaving a web around the reader so that they are ensnared in your world.

I am already anxious for the next chapter...

John, LC
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Wraith_Coldfire
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Joined: 05 Jan 2005
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Location: Right behind you, I'm the one with a dagger pressed to your throat.

PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 8:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Once more, an incredible work. I can't find anything to single out as another hilarious quote, but excellent nonetheless.
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thedarkfire
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 12:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Marry me? j/k

I still love this work Jilly.
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Phædrus
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 1:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh my god... This... is... INCREDIBLE!!!!!

You are the best of the best. Forget Clancy. Forget Niven. Forget Nylund, and Tolkin, and Dean Ing, and Orson Scott Card. You out rank them all. You are the best. You weave perfect stories, flawless plots. You are the best.
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Berconius
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 1:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Taking a step back from Fanatic's stand point, you're STILL awesome, even if you don't win the Hugo and Nebula awards.

Very interesting touch with the politics. This is easily the most engrossing series on the site.

A highly notable detail that I got from this was the believeability of your characters. Each is the hero, essentailly, of their own story. From this point of view, the prophets don't look so bad with the whole waging of Holy Wars thing. Except Truth. He is still a slimey bastard, but I don't think we'd have him any other way.

Astounding work, I'm going to run out of English adjectives to describe this series soon!
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Wraith_Coldfire
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 1:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll disagree with Clancy and Card. The style of work is too different to compare them, and of the others, I've only read Nylund and Tolkein. Still, a work of art in its own right.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 1:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I can't quite agree that you are better than Clancy. That might never happen. Against Scott . . . not quite, but possible. Now Nylund; I have seen writers here, like you, that reach Nylund's skill level.
So, I'm sure with some refining and a board of editors this could be real novel quality.

Now to the nit-picky stuff.
I noticed a few minor things. Punctuation for two of them. Others were words that could have stayed the same, but may have looked better in a different form or with a different word entirely.

I'm guessing that you made a conscious effort to make more . . . alien sounding stuff? If you did, you did so with sucess. If you didn't, it is an amazing coincidence that things turned out that way.
It's not drastic, not by a long shot; but in its subtlety is its simplistic yet effective edge.
Still, it could be sharpened.

Length. You should have them this long every time. I didn't tire of reading a bit. Very nicely done.

You know, while reading this, I related the convent and its trainings to the Jedi trainings. Just a little bit, but it was interesting to think about when reading through the rest.


Overall, this was one of the better chapters of this series. I, along with othersm wait for your continuation.
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Phædrus
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 2:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well... Yes. I agree you aren't quite as good as Clancy. I was a bit excited. But you have deffinately surpassed Nylund. You are now at the level of Larry Niven, Dean Ing, and Jerry Pournelle. They are one miniscule step away from Card. You... I can imagine you writing original novels, and making the New York Times Best Sell list. You are that good. All you need is a little notoriety, and an original plot, and you're set.
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Hikaru-119
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 4:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It is good. Very good in fact. The creepy thing is that it was so good I had to consciously remind myself that this is the enemy you are writting a story about. Which sends chills down my spine and raises my mental awareness. I am impressed.
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Jillybean
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 11:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hikaru - coming from that is the greatest compliment I could ever hope to have. You've made my day!! Very Happy


Thanks for all the other compliments guys, but with Hikaru I've accomplished something and that makes me smile. But in my, very humble, opinion - a three year old is better than Clancy. It must be a guy thing.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 10:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ahh, what wonders ignorance has cost you . . . Wink

Clancy is suited for only a certain type of reader; though, I must admit. I have friends who can't make it through a single book of his.

But, to each his (or her) own.


Now, speaking of what Hikuru said; I agree. I find it hard seeing thse folks as enemies now. You are starting to form a feeling that there are only certain parts of the Covie leadership and armies that I should dislike.
It is disconcerning when one reminds themselves that these are humanity's adversaries. Though, I tend to forget about that as as I am reading.
Which is probably a good thing.
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Covie_Lover
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 12, 2005 12:41 am    Post subject: More flattery Reply with quote

Weeeeeeeeeeell…

It looks like the flattery business is in style, so let’s not keep everyone waiting. Now I don’t know anything about Nylund, Larry Niven, Dean Ing, or Jerry Pournelle, nor have I read any Tom Clancy books (Didn’t he write Rainbow Six?). However, I have read Card’s books, and like almost all of them (except for all the books following Enders Game Ugh!) Unfortunately for Card (Sorry!), I like your stories a little better than even his Alvin Maker series. You have talent, kid. Also, I find your stories less tedious than Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings series. Those were great books, but their failing quality, I thought, was that they seemed to slog on and on and on… anyway.

I like your ideas about different Vows that the Priestesses can take to advance down each level. So, do they have to choose one and stick to it for a full year? And are they restricted to certain choices of Vows at different levels? Also, how many different Vows are there?

As for the Prophets, I find the idea of a Prophet hobbling around on it’s legs instead of a hover chair humorous. Also, I think that Truth is even more of a slimeball in this story than in Halo 2. (Though what he did to poor Mercy…phew).

I’m assuming that this is the Arbiter in his younger days, correct (It may sound like a dumb question, but I’m just making sure)?

All in all, I think that you are a very talented writer, and that you show some real promise. If you keep up the good work, you may some day be more famous and successful than Bill Gates (well...maybe not THAT rich). And then we (your fans) can all say “Hey! We knew [whatever your real name is] when he was just a beginning writer! Yay! Keep up the good work. I think I speak for all of us at HBO when I say we’re rooting for you!

Mr. Green
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 12, 2005 1:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you haven't, you should check out the rest of this series; as well as Parcel of Rogues.

Oh, by the way; she, not "he."
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 12, 2005 1:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you'll excuse me I have to faint.
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