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Parcel o' Rogues - Part Six - Unlikely Allies
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hboff
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 05, 2005 12:24 am    Post subject: Parcel o' Rogues - Part Six - Unlikely Allies Reply with quote

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Parcel o' Rogues - Part Six - Unlikely Allies
Posted by Jillybean (jbean_gotmuse@yahoo.co.uk)
2 January 2005, 2:38 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=jillybean.0102050238136.html
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 05, 2005 2:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

C'est Mignifique! (I hope I spelt that right) As brilliant as always, only one word can aptly sum up what I need to say for this story; Wow.
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Zofinda
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 05, 2005 4:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yea, WOW. This series is great. I've actually been dying for part 6...glad the wait was worth it Very Happy

PS i think the whole psychic thing is great, it adds another story to be told and explained throughout the series.
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 05, 2005 4:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

*bows*

O'great ruler! Another success!
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thorn
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 05, 2005 5:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

GJ it was awsome, though it can be confusing at times.....
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Sgt Scope077
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 05, 2005 11:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

9/10 Love it. Nice plot. But you forgot about grunts, jackels, and my fav Hunters. Add them in.
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Jillybean
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 05, 2005 11:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

'Add them in'?

I would . . . but considering most of the Covenant fleet has been marooned on Delta Halo at this point in time...
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thedarkfire
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 12:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Still lovin it Jilly. Jackals? Chief and Arby definatly took out quite a bit of Jackals in they're war path to the Ark.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 1:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Few small mistakes. Just, if you don't already, read through things more. And beyond that, just more thoroughly. I know I enjoy my own works; if you do, good, but do try to catch all those small mistakes. I just hate to see a good story put down by trivial things.

Personally, I loved the response from John. I thought it was dead on target. I actually had a good chuckle from that image in my mind. Though, speaking of that, just a pinch more details would have made the experience better as a whole for me. Just a pinch.

Good ending, though. But, I would have liked a bit more explaining about a few things. Not necissarily story-line, but just things that had occured. I know you probably skipped over certain things so that you would not have to describe them, but the gap you left left me wondering abotu a great many things.
But, perhaps that is a good thing.


Overall, a good sort of climax, though I know this must not be over yet. Keep up the good work.
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Jillybean
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 1:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry, MCC - not to be a glory hog, but which response in particular? The novel I'm working on is a light hearted - almost comic - horror novel and something I think that I don't do too well is timing. However, people reading it tell me it's funny. I'd just like to know exactly when I get it right.

Thanks Very Happy

(And I hate reading my own stuff - that's why it's proofed only twice)
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Zofinda
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 3:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
"A stand off," the Arbiter leered at the startled apes before them. "Care to make a wager, Demon?"
The Chief aimed his Brute shot. "I would."[


I think thats what MCC is talking about... I dont know but thats the one i found funny.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 3:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

his may sound odd but reading that I pictured them sitting around a bacarat table(i hope i spelt that right) in suave dinner suits sipping Vodka Martinies very James Bond style, for some odd reason.
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Jillybean
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 4:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

An image that will stay in my head for some time now . . . thanks . . . I think
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 1:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No, that wasn't the one I was refering to, Zofinda; though I liked that one, too.
I was talking about his response to that Marine (sorry, bad memory) who shot Mrs. Elite. Most writers would have had him do something totally drastic; I found his response as believable as if Eric had written it.

Don't like reading your own stuff? Well, I don't like reading my own stuff after I have let it sit for a while (like months) because I am discusted by how bad it is. I see so much that I didn't catch in all my previous proofreadings.
But, do try to proofread more. As much as it may be tedious and unpleasnant for you, it will help the quality of your work. I want to see the best you can offer; I'm hoping this isn't it (no offense, of course).
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Jillybean
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 2:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

None taken. It's strange - I find it easier to read old work because I know I've become better since then.

I dithered and doddered about that scene - I was unsure how John would react. But in his heart, he's not about actions (I might hit some disagreement here) so we had this outcome. Glad you liked it Very Happy
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