HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

This topic is for posting comments to:

Wherever I go...
Posted by hunter_that_dances (industrial_avatar@gmail.com)
31 December 2004, 10:45 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=hunter_that_.1231042245121.html

Chuckles · Posted: Wed Jan 05, 2005 4:11 pm Post subject:

Not bad. I especially liked the first half of the poem. It seemed to flow better than the rest, and you were more "careful" with your words. But hey, you wrote a poem with the word banshee in it, and that has to count for something Very Happy

C.T. Clown

hunter_that_dances · Member Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 30

Well, I used the dictionary for banshee, and it's not meant to be the Halo one (the Halo Banshee can come as an afterthought) but as the female spirit that is said to shriek before someone dies....in this case, the fool.

Zofinda · Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 3:37 am Post subject:

Yea i agree, the top seemed to flow and the bottom kinda seemed like you struggled for rhymes but for a poem attempt you did a pretty good job. Keep it up!

Commander Demitri Wolf · Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 5:28 am Post subject:

hunter_that_dances...hmmm. Good job with the poem, though I would have abolished the ... at the end of most (all?) lines. Aside from that the only other thing I could thing of was your closing line and how you could have incorperated the Darkness part of it into the title of the poem, e.g. Darkness Follows or something like that, otherwise good job, have you done other poems on this site? I really must look up some of Solidus'...

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

Good to see you HTD. Where've ya been?

Pretty good poem. Could have flowed better in some places, and used some spice in others. But, overall, I liked it.
Now, where's a good [newly posted] story of yours for me to review?
_________________
-MCC

Swift'n'Painful · Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 12:53 am Post subject:

Pretty good peom there man. Although, it seemed to at least that towards the end of the peom you started using more words in the lines, besides that it was great! Very Happy

SYSTEM · Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 1:27 am Post subject:

Now, that's pretty good, yep, yep, yep!

Interesting approach toward the rhyming.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.