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Wherever I go...

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 05, 2005 12:23 am    Post subject: Wherever I go... Reply with quote

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Wherever I go...
Posted by hunter_that_dances (industrial_avatar@gmail.com)
31 December 2004, 10:45 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=hunter_that_.1231042245121.html
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 05, 2005 4:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not bad. I especially liked the first half of the poem. It seemed to flow better than the rest, and you were more "careful" with your words. But hey, you wrote a poem with the word banshee in it, and that has to count for something Very Happy

C.T. Clown
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hunter_that_dances
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 1:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I used the dictionary for banshee, and it's not meant to be the Halo one (the Halo Banshee can come as an afterthought) but as the female spirit that is said to shriek before someone dies....in this case, the fool.
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Zofinda
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Joined: 29 Nov 2004
Posts: 41
Location: On my ass eating FunYuns...

PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 3:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yea i agree, the top seemed to flow and the bottom kinda seemed like you struggled for rhymes but for a poem attempt you did a pretty good job. Keep it up!
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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Joined: 11 Oct 2004
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 5:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

hunter_that_dances...hmmm. Good job with the poem, though I would have abolished the ... at the end of most (all?) lines. Aside from that the only other thing I could thing of was your closing line and how you could have incorperated the Darkness part of it into the title of the poem, e.g. Darkness Follows or something like that, otherwise good job, have you done other poems on this site? I really must look up some of Solidus'...
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 12:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good to see you HTD. Where've ya been?

Pretty good poem. Could have flowed better in some places, and used some spice in others. But, overall, I liked it.
Now, where's a good [newly posted] story of yours for me to review?
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Swift'n'Painful
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 12:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pretty good peom there man. Although, it seemed to at least that towards the end of the peom you started using more words in the lines, besides that it was great! Very Happy
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SYSTEM
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 1:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now, that's pretty good, yep, yep, yep!

Interesting approach toward the rhyming.

- Dave.
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