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A Series of Poems: The Ballad of The ODST

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 05, 2005 12:23 am    Post subject: A Series of Poems: The Ballad of The ODST Reply with quote

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A Series of Poems: The Ballad of The ODST
Posted by (ENS) Rabid_Gallagher (rabid_masterchief@hotmail.com)
31 December 2004, 7:48 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=ens_rabid_ga.1231040748397.html
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Helljumper
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 05, 2005 6:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You need to replace silver wings with golden comet. Why did you put an S at the end of ODST.

ODST

great concept thought just needs some work
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Elitehunter676
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 05, 2005 7:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not bad, not bad at all.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 12:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Some of the punctuation seemed like it could have been better placed. And yeah, replacing the silver wings with the golden comet insignia would have bee a good idea.

I liked the poem and the concept you had there; you idea and them were pretty nice. But, just keep improving your stuff. You are getting better. Still, Solidus waits. . .
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Zofinda
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 3:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

They are right about the golden comet and not to take away from your peom( it was good) but isnt the ODST division voluntary, do they have to test? Anyway good poem. Very Happy
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 3:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice poem ENS, everything I think that needs to be said has been, so good job, enjoyable read.
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Recent Flood Victim
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 9:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ahahahah, this is really great. I liked alot, but what made me laugh is its the "Green Beret" song. Clever, very clever.
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 9:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Uhh....look! A Grunt!

Yes, it is the Green Beret song, can't believe no one noticed.

MCC, i'm writing another song about you, and Nick too.
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MC's Cousin
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 1:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm flattered. I'm sure that 'Kang will be, too. (Depending on content of course.)
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SYSTEM
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 1:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's pretty good. I don't rate poetry on my own, unfortunately. Hopefully, everyone else will have something else to say, right?

Now, about the ballad... Hmm. I'm going to have to come up with a little melody for this. The only problem is that the internet won't let us put up Guitar Tabs, sheetmusic, and chord markings. Hopefully, I'll get this little ditty figured out sometime soon.

- Dave.
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 6:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good poem. Like the others said, watch your technical details. Hate to see a good poem critiqued for something that ultimately has nothing to do with the art of poetry. I liked that you hit on the whole "war is Hell" thing, but it did seem a bit light-hearted. I think this poem would have benefited greatly from a better, possibly darker choice of words. For instance, instead of saying that a woman's husband has died in war with the phrase "met his fate", you could use words that more forcefully convey the hell and horror of combat.

But hey, your style is your choice--I like dark and maybe you don't. The poem was good, regardless.

C.T. Clown
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Swift'n'Painful
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2005 7:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It was a very good poem, though the beginning was like the Ballad of the Green Berets, that part was cool too. It is patriotic as well. Which I give this poem 2 thumbs up!
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