HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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The Death of Dreams
Posted by WONDERLIBERTARIAN (wonderlibertarian@yahoo.com)
28 December 2004, 10:37 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=wonderlibert.1228042237281.html

WONDERLIBERTARIAN · Member Joined: 30 Nov 2004 Posts: 22

Another one of mine.

This one attempts, obviously, to look at the Forerunners and as such the names 'Elites' or 'Prophets' seemed foolish, and for the same reason Sangheili would also seem foolish, but I chose to keep that because to do otherwise would be overly confusing. I did give the Prophets a different name for their existence in Forerunner times (Harraid), and I hope that my descriptions of them and my allowing them to keep their little chairs as their modes of transport would keep that less confusing.

-

I don't think that any other explainations are really necesarry. I think that the grammar and spelling is proper and suitable... I might be wrong.

WONDERLIBERTARIAN · Member Joined: 30 Nov 2004 Posts: 22

It won't let me edit it in so I'll put it here.

I obviously only used the ]indent[ bit, not the ]hl[ thing, this is because I do not know exactly what the ]hl[ thing did, I was satisfied with the ]indent[ and didn't have time to experiment.

So maybe next time I'll figure out the mystery of the other things of formatting, I will definately have more time next time, but I wanted to call this story finished and if it wasn't uploaded I couldn't do that, but it would continue to irritate me and I wouldn't be able to work on anything else, I don't know if you'll understand.

Mainevent · Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 5:13 pm Post subject:

I believe ]hl[ is a page break, which puts a nice, neat little line across the page:

_____________________________________________________________

Like such.

I haven't used it in a while though, so I'm a bit rusty.

WONDERLIBERTARIAN · Member Joined: 30 Nov 2004 Posts: 22

hmmm..... doesn't seem so necesarry, what was it that MCC told me to use last time I posted a story?

Jillybean · Darth Diva Joined: 17 Dec 2004 Posts: 299

Very nicely written but more spaces between your paragraphs would be lovely. Press enter every time you make a new paragraph

So it looks like this

Broken text is much easier to understand.

And you lose less readers that way too Very Happy

Mainevent · Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 5:53 pm Post subject:

JB_121 · Posted: Thu Dec 30, 2004 2:40 am Post subject:

Well, written. Definately an interesting read. Your point about not referring to the various races as Elites and Prophets is a good one, and you dealt with that very nicely. I'm not too picky about formatting, but I found it easy to read.

Just my two cents

Guardian 2 · Posted: Thu Dec 30, 2004 5:11 am Post subject:

Normally, formatting without the blank lines between paragraphs is fine. However, your fiction contained many paragraphs which were just a words of dialogue between Guilty Spark and Percales, so it looked line one continuous wall of text.

Zofinda · Posted: Fri Dec 31, 2004 4:46 am Post subject:

Great writing. The details of the pain Percales was feeling gave me a kind of sick feeling in my stomach..... I guess that means you did your job.

Commander Demitri Wolf · Posted: Fri Dec 31, 2004 5:53 am Post subject:

I read the first bit and it looked good enough, I'll get back to you once I have read it.

SYSTEM · Posted: Fri Dec 31, 2004 6:47 pm Post subject:

Now THAT'S great. An interesting plotline for an interesting subject.

So, I guess this would be one way to explain Spark(y) and the Halo station, and how life goes on.

Interesting.

One spelling mistake "don't breath" should be "don't breathe,' but feh, that's probably a type-o and it can be discounted.

You're doing great. This will DEFINETELY make the Fridge Door of Fame.

- Dave.
_________________
"Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one." - A child's nursery rhyme.

"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.

WONDERLIBERTARIAN · Member Joined: 30 Nov 2004 Posts: 22

I'll work on the formatting, thanks for the encouragement.

Guardian 2 · Posted: Fri Dec 31, 2004 10:02 pm Post subject:

Hmm. . .

I wonder what MCC will say about it. . .

Commander Demitri Wolf · Posted: Fri Dec 31, 2004 11:51 pm Post subject:

I just gotta say its brilliant, the only thing I questioned was the part where you talked about the Prophets in their thrones. I was under the impression that only the heirachs had thrones and anti-grav belts and the others walked. Example: in The Heratic where they're in the Sanctum of the Heirachs or where ever and all the other Prophets are there and one stands up and yells "Nay, it was Heracy!" so I just guessed that the more prestigious and important Prophets had thrones and the others didn't.