HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

This topic is for posting comments to:

The Priestess and the Warrior - To the Convent Born
Posted by Jillybean (jbean_gotmuse@yahoo.co.uk)
26 December 2004, 8:16 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=jillybean.1226042016011.html

Phædrus · Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2004 7:15 pm Post subject:

You, know what? THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER READ IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. The plot was perfect, you had just the right level of detail, you got me into the mind of the Eli - Sangheili. This is perfect. Better than Parcel o' Rogues. You should show this to Bungie, see if everything you have is right, if they'll accept this as part of the Halo series. This is perfect.

You get 930279377482197418343130158739485901841071341893519/10.

thedarkfire · Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2004 7:37 pm Post subject:

Jilly, that was absolutly incredible.

MCC will most likely have something to say though. Smile

Berconius · Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2004 8:18 pm Post subject:

Wow, you could make a very fair storyline out of this piece alone. This insight into Covenant culture is...impressive. To say the least. Especially the parts like the Prophets don't bath but have large pools and the Oath of Fidelity. You even managed to keep the children in character. impressive doesn't come close.

I did notice some abruptness in the transitions over time, but that's not paramount.

Coolness like a slushie!

Jillybean · Darth Diva Joined: 17 Dec 2004 Posts: 299

Flattered as I am, Halo Fan Natic I think Bungie would ask me if they wanted anything written. I wouldn't presume to send them anything Very Happy

However, I would kill to write a tie in novel about the Grunt Revolution, the thought of little Grunts uprising kills me.

Jumpy transitions seem to be a common gripe amongst my readers, I'll have to do something about that. I feel like I'm nattering on at people so I cut away.

Thanks for the comments guys - I love this story too Very Happy

Phædrus · Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2004 8:39 pm Post subject:

No, I'm serious! Send this to them and ask what they think about it!

thedarkfire · Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2004 9:20 pm Post subject:

Sorry fanatic. I just don't think bungie would do much with this. No offence to you o' mighty Jilly. I dont think they can use it for much of anything except to look really cool.

Berconius · Posted: Tue Dec 28, 2004 2:24 am Post subject:

Yeah, the official story and fanfiction don't have an equal relationship all the time. It would be cool if they did take this as the official story, though.

The Arbitress · Posted: Tue Dec 28, 2004 3:43 am Post subject:

screw bungie. this was better than the fall of reach. this was better than, dare i say it, nah. but you come pretty close to lotr.

thedarkfire · Posted: Tue Dec 28, 2004 4:34 am Post subject:

Be careful about what you say about LOTR. Many, including me, can call that heresy AND blasphemy.

The Arbitress · Posted: Tue Dec 28, 2004 5:12 am Post subject:

apparently you havnt read any of my other posts. tolkien is god. peter jackson is god. out of every person i know and have ever heard of, im probably one of the biggest fans. so, trust me, when i say something is close to lotr, thats like a sign of the apocolypse.

tyára ava nahama. námarie.

thedarkfire · Posted: Tue Dec 28, 2004 5:20 am Post subject:

Elvish too. I'm impressed. Rejoice Jilly, for you now have impecable marks.

Ark Night · Posted: Tue Dec 28, 2004 3:05 pm Post subject:

My God, Jilly. This story was AMAZING!!!!!!!!! It is almost as good as LOTR, and yes i am a fan, too. The level of description you put in there was outstanding. I give you 10/10. Hope that helps. I really didn't see any flaws in the story. It was truly amazing. 10/10.

Ark Night

LordsFire · Member Joined: 28 Dec 2004 Posts: 45 Location: Da U.P.

Impressive. And I don't say that often.

I have only two issues. First, the time jump thing, and second paragraph placement. Obviously, by exclusion, this means the quality of your writing is brilliant, all that is left is semantics.

As to the time jump thing, the simple solution is add "____ later..." at the begginning after a time jump. That would sort things up nicely.

I would ask a favor of you. When I submit something here, would you critique it for me?

Jillybean · Darth Diva Joined: 17 Dec 2004 Posts: 299

Oh I despise stories that keep going with 'later that lifetime'. If I'm doing the characters right, you'll figure out that its been a few years down the line, if I'm not I'll keep working on it. Very Happy

Thanks for the comments, but I have a tight schedule, I rarely get a chance to read stuff Sad

Sorry