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The Enemy Within-Chapter Fourteen: A Decision Made Too Late

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 02, 2004 8:29 pm    Post subject: The Enemy Within-Chapter Fourteen: A Decision Made Too Late Reply with quote

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The Enemy Within-Chapter Fourteen: A Decision Made Too Late
Posted by Mind_Affecting_Parasite (pbplayer_24@yahoo.com)
1 August 2004, 4:07 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=mind_affecti.08010404073314.html
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Brigade_of_marines
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 67
Location: Jacksonville, Florida

PostPosted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 1:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here's what i say about ranks:
Ranks are there but in the elite infantry you should make ranks up or combine them as you will. Try not to follow the crowd. Then of course, this may also be bad as it may confuse others.

I love the Black Master name though. Very Fitting for a Spec. Op. Elite. It's also very spiffy. Makes the Elite seem Bad Ass.(I hope I can say that since i can't think of another word)

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-BoM
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.

PostPosted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 1:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Once again, another good addition to your resevour of stories. My biggest complaint would have to be that you didn't get this out sooner.
But, to the story itself. The Black Master thing was interesting. Personally I think it was an alright to describe that kind of thing. But I think that when the Flood pod sattacked the regular soldiers in the weapons room, oh, excuse me, the armory, were attacked you could have used more detail. It just seemed rushed, but maybe it should be.
The little bit of a horror aspect that you slipped in there was nice. Getting into the brain of an Elite, making them scared and stuff. And giving uss all the impression that the whole ship is going to be overrun and what not. Still, your setting up for some good combat sceneage.
As for the humans, well, you've made them really tough so far. You added those little advantages that gave them just enough of an edge to not die, but they are still leaning on Invincible Marines. Understnadible with a small cast of human characters, but still... Somebody need to die to make it realisistic in my opinion. I mean, assaulting heavily armed Covenant is no easy task. Maybe if they were Spartans, but they aren't.

Otherwise, it was great. Keep up the good work.
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Mastergrunt
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Joined: 04 Aug 2004
Posts: 23
Location: On a frozen world with methane.

PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2004 12:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice story again MAP although the marines did kinda seem like spartans. Now if you made the grunts invincible that would be cool. Cool
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