HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Halo: Ghost (Forerunner)

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 7:20 pm    Post subject: Halo: Ghost (Forerunner) Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

Halo: Ghost (Forerunner)
Posted by Stephen Parke (titans30_7@yahoo.com)
20 December 2012, 4:01 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Stephen_Park1220120401381.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
eb4642
IRC Channel Operator


Joined: 09 May 2009
Posts: 77
Location: The Dark Tower of NW10

PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 8:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Although I appreciate the effort that's gone into this, you must be more careful with your formatting. Paragraphing is important because otherwise you end up with a massive block of text that's impossible to read properly. I'm also sceptical of your introduction of "Ghost": although your introduction makes them sound like geth from Mass Effect, there's no really coherent explanation of what they are. Read up on god modding when it comes to this: unfortunately as it stands "Ghost" sounds like something derived from personal fantasies and David Icke's crackpot conspiracy nuttery. (Have you understood how important formatting and paragraphing is yet?) Furthermore, it's spelled "cryo," "cryonic" and "cryogenic," not "crio" or "chrio." I may seem like I'm being picky here, but spelling matters. It also looks like partway through part (paragraph?) one, you've accidentally lost a lot of your sentence (perhaps you pasted something in where it shouldn't have been.) Overall there's an easy way to get around this: write your story in something like Word, Writer or TextEdit; leave it for at least two days; come back to it, read it again (out loud, if that helps) and rewrite bits you don't like. Everyone does this, it's nothing to be afraid of. Writing is an iterative process. By now, I hope you've understood how important it is to proof-read, and also how important it is to format and use paragraphs correctly. Smile
_________________
The Elitist Bastard | Writing is the business of professional turd-polishing.
"(don't take this review too seriously) If you doubt this is possible, how is it there are PYGMIES + DWARFS??"
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group