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Haunted

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 8:38 pm    Post subject: Haunted Reply with quote

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Haunted
Posted by Travis Lally (tlally1986@gmail.com)
28 January 2012, 7:39 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Travis_Lally0128121939251.html
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eb4642
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Joined: 09 May 2009
Posts: 77
Location: The Dark Tower of NW10

PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 9:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hate to sound like a miserable sod, BUT...

Fix your formatting and punctuation.

Then I'll be more inclined to provide constructive criticism on the narrative flow, the glaring technical errors (why, instead of saying, "we are running low on fuel," does the AI say, "We have run critically low on Delta V"?), the irritatingly loaded language and over-use of adverbs, and the actually-somewhat-promising plot line.

But, first, PLEASE fix your grammar, punctuation, formatting and spelling. Thank you.
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Carson Woo
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Joined: 09 Jun 2011
Posts: 14
Location: Hong Kong, China

PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 3:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Need some polishing, that's true.
But we don't need be that harsh on people, let's just tell them what they need to improve and encourage them.
After reading the post above me, I now understand why there's only a few posts a month.
Delta V can mean a special king of fuel or other things.
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