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hboff Site Admin
Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351
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CaptainRaspberry Member

Joined: 20 Mar 2009 Posts: 57 Location: Littleton, MA
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Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2012 11:33 pm Post subject: |
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Very interesting. I would've thought most writers had given up on the Onyx plotline after Glasslands came out, but so far this could have happened during. I could see all this being prologue to a deeper story about Tom after he gets out of the Slipspace bubble.
My criticism would be that there's an awful lot of narrative for a dialogue. Halsey and Tom should have more back-and-forth, and a lot of the information you introduce in the narrative could be gleaned from the conversation.
But it's very interesting. If it's sufficiently different from Traviss' take or something else entirely, I'd like to see it continue. _________________ Superstite es non sole;
Salute es dignus.
Current Project: Ha ha ha! |
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