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The Way The World Ends

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 9:05 am    Post subject: The Way The World Ends Reply with quote

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The Way The World Ends
Posted by PoeticRulesAll (randomiser1337@hotmail.com)
25 August 2011, 2:58 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=PoeticRulesA0825111458341.html
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MasterPIE
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Joined: 02 Mar 2011
Posts: 12
Location: Singapore

PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 3:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i enjoyed the vocabulary, and overall this is a good piece of work. One suggestion though; maybe you can break up your lines into shorter ones? Maybe less is more?
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FYI: I am the 'Lee Hung Ping' you see in fanfict posts. I am sorry to keep confusing you all who dont know me. It just gets irritating after a while of starting my posts with 'HungPing here,'.
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