HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

This topic is for posting comments to:

Halo: Slayer. Chapter 1
Posted by Danny Isaac (evil_monkey65@hotmail.co.uk)
4 July 2011, 5:54 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Danny_Isaac0704110554451.html

Spartan006 · Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 9:21 pm Post subject:

Pretty good for a first chapter, Danny. Little bits of capitalization errors and unnecessary words were your main problem in my opinion. Story is still nice and open so that it go anywhere which kept my attention, I mean, all I know is that your character is an ODST leaving Reach to fight the Covenant. This will make me want to read the next chapter (if my internet will not be gay and I have time).

Consequently, your next chapter should be a bit longer than this one. Also, try going here to learn how to use coding to improve how your story looks and reads. If you don't want to bother with coding then try and use block paragraphs.

Overall, I'd love to see where this story goes. It shows a lot of potential and I hope that you're able to go far with it.
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Danny_Isaac2 · Member Joined: 04 Jul 2011 Posts: 1

This attachment to reach will come into play as it became his home after arcadia was attacked, he will fight more than just the planet but for his team who trust him with his life. Thanks for the feedback.