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Halo: Slayer. Chapter 1

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2011 5:03 pm    Post subject: Halo: Slayer. Chapter 1 Reply with quote

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Halo: Slayer. Chapter 1
Posted by Danny Isaac (evil_monkey65@hotmail.co.uk)
4 July 2011, 5:54 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Danny_Isaac0704110554451.html
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Spartan006
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Joined: 17 Mar 2006
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Location: On the worst internet ever...for real.

PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 9:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pretty good for a first chapter, Danny. Little bits of capitalization errors and unnecessary words were your main problem in my opinion. Story is still nice and open so that it go anywhere which kept my attention, I mean, all I know is that your character is an ODST leaving Reach to fight the Covenant. This will make me want to read the next chapter (if my internet will not be gay and I have time).

Consequently, your next chapter should be a bit longer than this one. Also, try going here to learn how to use coding to improve how your story looks and reads. If you don't want to bother with coding then try and use block paragraphs.

Overall, I'd love to see where this story goes. It shows a lot of potential and I hope that you're able to go far with it.
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Danny_Isaac2
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Joined: 04 Jul 2011
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 19, 2011 9:15 pm    Post subject: Halo slayer Reply with quote

This attachment to reach will come into play as it became his home after arcadia was attacked, he will fight more than just the planet but for his team who trust him with his life. Thanks for the feedback.
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