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Halo: Distributive Property (Chapter #3)

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 4:40 pm    Post subject: Halo: Distributive Property (Chapter #3) Reply with quote

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Halo: Distributive Property (Chapter #3)
Posted by robofin117 (robofin117@yahoo.com)
5 June 2011, 4:06 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=robofin1170605110406391.html
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Carson Woo
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Joined: 09 Jun 2011
Posts: 14
Location: Hong Kong, China

PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 1:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Interesting read.

Mainly the idea is, em, special, but this chapter is not quite action-packed, and half of it is just a dream.

Watch out for paragraphing.

If you make the story longer and also more speeches, that will be much better. Also, you can speak about your ideas of living with your heroes, the Spartans, especially John. When you mentioned Jorge, you failed to talk about your thoughts, because Jorge is a main character in Reach.

To conclude, room for improvement, but it is okay. Rolling Eyes
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robofin117
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 19, 2011 6:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, I will look into it. I have to work on adding more filling to my stories. It is kind of a bad habit to make it as short as possible. Smile
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