HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

This topic is for posting comments to:

The Opening Salvo - Rapier Team
Posted by Delahunt (delirium.end@realityrefracted.com)
12 March 2011, 11:16 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Delahunt0312112316071.html

kabu · Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 4:36 am Post subject:

Nitpicks: There are a few awkward phrases ("in one end and out the other end," seems a bit stilted, and a couple more.).

Other than that, I feel like this is a solid piece of writing. You engage the characters quickly, keep the action tight and fast-paced, and made an enjoyable read. Nice.
_________________

Delahunt · Member Joined: 04 Mar 2011 Posts: 13

If you ever want to truly mess up your understanding for English sentence structure, learn Japanese.

Thank you for the heads up on the awkward phrasings. I'll need to take more care with that on future projects, and I'm very glad you enjoyed the read. Smile

I rather enjoyed my little team of Spartan IIIs, may have to do more with them.
_________________
Aut Viam Inveniam Aut Faciam
"Tell me Sergeant, where, under ‘Unstoppable Covenant Killing Machine,’ is ‘takes care of adorable fluffy animals’ listed?"