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The Opening Salvo - Rapier Team

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 1:22 pm    Post subject: The Opening Salvo - Rapier Team Reply with quote

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The Opening Salvo - Rapier Team
Posted by Delahunt (delirium.end@realityrefracted.com)
12 March 2011, 11:16 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Delahunt0312112316071.html
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kabu
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 4:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nitpicks: There are a few awkward phrases ("in one end and out the other end," seems a bit stilted, and a couple more.).

Other than that, I feel like this is a solid piece of writing. You engage the characters quickly, keep the action tight and fast-paced, and made an enjoyable read. Nice.
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Delahunt
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 4:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you ever want to truly mess up your understanding for English sentence structure, learn Japanese.

Thank you for the heads up on the awkward phrasings. I'll need to take more care with that on future projects, and I'm very glad you enjoyed the read. Smile I rather enjoyed my little team of Spartan IIIs, may have to do more with them.
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