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Position unknown, Out Numbered, and Warm Reception
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hboff
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 20, 2004 6:21 pm    Post subject: Position unknown, Out Numbered, and Warm Reception Reply with quote

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Position unknown, Out Numbered, and Warm Reception
Posted by Mark Lieberg (malieberg@msn.com)
19 December 2004, 5:01 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=mark_lieberg.1219040501315.html
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Mark Lieberg
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 21, 2004 2:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I saw grammer mistakes in the story. So I am really so for those. I am really trying to watch out. Like the the part where it says. The Ships shields Flickers....its supposed to be flickered, and some other things. So please, Read and post comments. Thanks.
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Mark Lieberg
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Mark Lieberg
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 21, 2004 6:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Can anyone post about my story? Please, I would like to know how i did on this one.
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Mark Lieberg
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Mark Lieberg
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 22, 2004 11:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Read my story please
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Mark Lieberg
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Mark Lieberg
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 22, 2004 11:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Can anyone read this fan fic and post a comment. I really would like that.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 22, 2004 11:54 pm    Post subject: COOKIE MONSTER Reply with quote

im reading it now, but do you have...cookies? eh eh eh, i need cookies to post comments, now cookie me up man!
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 22, 2004 11:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

DAMN IT! I just had 117 posts and didn't realise, I was guna keep it like that for a day once I reached it, oh well, I'll wait 'til I get to 343.
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 23, 2004 12:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes...I need Cookies, also. Sugar cookies, please.
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Idea, Plot, Character, and Forum Signatures
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 23, 2004 12:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No no no! You must try this new batch I've made, its got fudge AND sugar AND M&M's (hopefully everyone knows what M&M's are, there the little chocolate things with shells.), there Cookietastic! Back to Earth now, yes we must have cookies, I'm reading your series and from what I've read so far I like it alot. Keep up the good work, but don't be impatient with comments, if people read the series they will post, otherwise you should maybe add it to your signatue in CAPITALS "READ MY STORY, I HAVE COOKIES! BE SURE TO COMMENT!' That should do it.
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 23, 2004 1:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm pritty busy at the moment but in my spare time I'll be on HBO and I'm reading your story. I got to Chapter 4 and liked it though there were literally hundreds of grammer mistakes, when I pasted it into Word to print and ran a spell check the screen had red and green lines all over it! I thought it was Xmas already, but aside from that its a good story, I'll post again once I've read the whole thing.
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Mark Lieberg
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 23, 2004 1:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ehhh???

How was my story guys? Man you dudes are cookie moster? Is he even still alive?
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Mark Lieberg
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 23, 2004 1:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

never mind, I just told you your story was good, and yes, I am the cookie monster.
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Mark Lieberg
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 23, 2004 3:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ok thanks?
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Mark Lieberg
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Commander Demitri Wolf
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 23, 2004 4:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think I have confused everyone, good my work here is done.
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Chuckles
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 23, 2004 10:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Your writing is very good. It would be a lot better if you would force yourself to start your sentences with more imagination. A lot of your sentences start with "the" and that is a pace killer. Also, you narrate an awful lot of your action. Use narration only when absolutely necessary, OR to generate a certain atmosphere within your story. Otherwise the story drags and it does not engage the reader. When someone can write as smooth and naturally as you apparently do, it is a crime to hurt it with over-narrating.

I'll look forward to your next one.

C.T. Clown
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