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Let This Be Your Last Battlefield: A Day at Fort Oasis

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 28, 2011 12:07 pm    Post subject: Let This Be Your Last Battlefield: A Day at Fort Oasis Reply with quote

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Let This Be Your Last Battlefield: A Day at Fort Oasis
Posted by QuantumSheep (quantumsheep@optusnet.com.au)
27 January 2011, 1:47 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=QuantumSheep0127110147411.html
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coolijive
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Joined: 12 Sep 2010
Posts: 6
Location: USA

PostPosted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 5:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have to admit, this is the first section of your story I have read, but so far, I am very impressed. You are a great writer. I love your attention to detail. I can tell that you are pulling from personal experiences rather than just movies or video games. That brings so much authenticity to your writing and really helps to suspend my disbelief.

I am also impressed with your cognitive complexity. You pay wonderful attention to detail, yet you also capture the big picture, e.g., your mention of the shortage of supplies due to destruction throughout the colonies. The Halo universe is really complete and dynamic in your mind.

Your dialogue is excellent, and you are careful to fill it with nonverbal communication and insights into the thoughts and emotions of your characters. This really keeps it interesting and helps it flow. Your characters are also well developed and have distinct personalities of their own. I appreciate the emotional intelligence required to capture personalities other than your own. BTW: Do you hear your characters speaking Australian? I wonder if its really that close to American. If its not, great job using American vernacular with non-British/Aussie characters. I really liked how you pointed out the accent with Mills. I hardly even noticed your use of English in the narration mostly just spelling.

The tone of your story is very deep. If I could be so bold as to compare your tone to something else, I would have to say that your writing has a feel similar to Band of Brothers or The Pacific. I love both.

You do make a consistent mistake with run-on sentences at the beginning, but its not a big deal. You should give it some attention though... just because this is too good not to be polished. Wink

Overall, I am looking forward to the rest of your story. If its going where I think it is, it should be fantastic! I will go catch up this week. Very Happy
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QuantumSheep
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Joined: 23 May 2008
Posts: 4
Location: MacGyvering my way out of a locked store room

PostPosted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 7:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the kind words. It just so happens I'm Australian, but I've watched enough American movies/television shows to know typical American slang, accents and so forth.
This story came as a result of playing through Halo: Reach and then watching a whole bunch of war movies like Saving Private Ryan and Cross of Iron.
So again, thanks for the feedback.
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