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The Unknown Planet Part 1

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 28, 2011 12:07 pm    Post subject: The Unknown Planet Part 1 Reply with quote

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The Unknown Planet Part 1
Posted by Abates56 (alexb4455@gmail.com)
21 January 2011, 5:09 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Abates560121111709221.html
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coolijive
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Joined: 12 Sep 2010
Posts: 6
Location: USA

PostPosted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 3:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well... I really appreciate your imagination. Thank you for sharing. The concept here is fascinating and fairly original, with the exception of the Aeon-Flux-ish clone thing. Unfortunately, your execution was poor. I don't mean to be rude, but your writing is very bad, and that is a gross understatement. Sad

I am almost inclined to ask if this is a joke or if English is not your native language, just so I don’t look like an idiot for trying to help, Embarassed but I’ll assume that you honestly just struggle with writing. If that is the case, I am very glad that Halo has inspired you to try to write. Hopefully that inspiration will motivate you to keep at it and make improvements in your literacy. Even if you don’t become an author, you could certainly benefit in life from the ability to write properly.

The good news is your problems are mostly in the GPS domain, which means there is still hope. I suggest you take an English class. Learn how to form a proper sentence. Start from there. If you want help, I would be happy to send you an edit of this piece with explanations. Wink

As far as your story goes - as much as I hate to admit it - your concept is closer to what Bear just released in Cryptum than anything I ever assumed from canon. It was the Grey's all along! Nice throwback to the Society of the Ancients and Ancient Alien Theory. Keep at it. Cool
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