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The Simulation

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 21, 2011 4:45 pm    Post subject: The Simulation Reply with quote

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The Simulation
Posted by Christopher H. (kit5889@gmail.com)
17 January 2011, 8:01 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Christopher_0117112001281.html
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coolijive
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Joined: 12 Sep 2010
Posts: 6
Location: USA

PostPosted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 1:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well written. GPS was clean enough not to be noticed, and your details gave a nice anime style to the imagery. It's been a while since I read FOR, but it seemed like this could be inserted right into the book. I don't recall any Matrix-level tech being used with the neural interface though. Did you pull that from something in canon or was it just an imaginative indulgence? I just wonder where else we might see it used if it were a possibility for the time period, e.g., Spartan training.

Overall, I enjoyed it. Keep writing. Wink
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kr1
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Joined: 27 Feb 2007
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 04, 2011 7:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very nice work here. You write action very well. There were a few GPS errors, but nothing huge. Missed punctuation and capitalization, that's it. My only real issue is that this takes a few liberties with canon. It's not a big deal, though, because it's clear you only changed what you needed to make your story work. Good work, and hope to see you posting around here more.
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