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Cortana: Prologue - Dust and Echoes

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2010 2:32 pm    Post subject: Cortana: Prologue - Dust and Echoes Reply with quote

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Cortana: Prologue - Dust and Echoes
Posted by Epyon (jordan.majszak@gmail.com)
4 October 2010, 7:48 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Epyon1004100748121.html
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2010 4:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like it. You've set it up right now where you could take this in any direction you like at the moment. I like Cortana as a character, too, and we don't get enough stories involving her as the main character.

The problem I had with this piece, though, is that you are pretty heavy with imagery. A few allusions is fine, but, almost every paragraph in this short piece had it. After the fourth imagery notation I was beginning to roll my eyes. That might be your style, but, I don't recommend you continue to use as much imagery as you did here.

Otherwise, it's solid! That's more than expected. Good job and keep on writing. I'll be waiting for your next entry.
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Epyon
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 09, 2010 8:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll definitely keep that in mind. I admit, I have a tendency to color prose a bit purple, but I will tone it down for future installments.

Anyway, thanks for the critique, it is very much appreciated. Smile
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