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Halo: Forerunner - Section 1 Ch 20

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2010 2:32 pm    Post subject: Halo: Forerunner - Section 1 Ch 20 Reply with quote

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Halo: Forerunner - Section 1 Ch 20
Posted by Joshua M. Uda (imagine@uvtag.com)
1 October 2010, 5:07 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Joshua_M._Ud1001101707171.html
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2010 5:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This was really solid, I liked how efficient you handle your dialogue and details. To the point is just fine, and it's perfect for the mood of the piece.

However, this is very short, and as I have not read the other pieces in this series, I have no idea what is going on. While a reader should be able to discern what's going on in each piece by going back, because you submit weekly here, it's always good to make them longer and able for anyone to jump in at that point in the story so they're not lost.

That's overall story readability, though. I liked what I saw in this piece. Keep it up! I'm gonna take some time and look back at your other stuff so I can get a idea of what's exactly going on here.
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coolijive
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Joined: 12 Sep 2010
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 09, 2010 4:37 pm    Post subject: Spark of interest Reply with quote

Thank you. I look forward to reading your thoughts on the rest of the story. I was worried that no one was reading the other posts in this series because they were too long. Wink I'll try to find a happy medium.

Mahalo!
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