HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4352

This topic is for posting comments to:

Long Time Gone Part 28
Posted by grylsy (grylsy@hotmail.com)
16 December 2004, 11:19 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=grylsy.12160411192428.html

MC's Cousin · Mr. 1337 Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.

Don't worry about a lack of posts, man. It happens sometimes. Hey, I saw the story and knew I had to read it. You can be happy with the fact that I remember your story.

(Yeah, I saw 29, too)

Still the same thing. I just don't see why you don't make a bigger effort to change this.
I see this in every one of your recent stories. Not a whole lot of detail, like you just rushed through it; and so it gets sparse. Further, it is like you have no enthusiasm for the story anymore, and that is really making things not as good as they could be.
Please, for everyone here, put more effort into these things. I know this isn't your best work.

I think there is another part to this also. You are using all of your romance as your main element. While this can be okay, I think you should use it as one of the elements, and not the whole story. It would make things better.

Overall, a decent story, but the length of it I think is taking away from the overall quality. Just work on it, take up the advice we [I] give you and improve.
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-MCC