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hboff Site Admin
Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4352
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kr1 IRC Channel Operator

Joined: 27 Feb 2007 Posts: 436 Location: UNSC Frigate September
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Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2010 2:59 pm Post subject: |
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This is all-around excellent. I enjoyed the last chapter, but not nearly as much as this one. MARINER is an interesting character, and your characterization of Malcolm as an SII and Echo as SIIIs is spot-on. The little details about Pearl add a lot to the setting, too, and I liked the Slipspace buoy mention. I like the implication ONI has FTL comms when the rest of the UNSC doesn't.
I only have a few real complaints. First, it seems a bit odd the SIIIs would be given so much leeway, but I'm sure you'll deal with that later. The other is that SPI isn't completely unknown to SIIs. Kelly recalls ODSTs using it in GoO, although that isn't necessarily the norm. The last is that SPI doesn't amplify speed and reaction time nearly as much as MJOLNIR, since ODSTs can wear it safely. You kind of skirted around that, but just wanted to point it out.
Overall, though, excellent work. _________________
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CaptainRaspberry Member

Joined: 20 Mar 2009 Posts: 57 Location: Littleton, MA
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Posted: Sat Sep 04, 2010 2:42 am Post subject: |
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I'm glad this update actually made it up. I was worried it had gotten swallowed in Wu's absence.
Anyway, kr, you bring up some interesting points. Allow me to take the time to DESTROY THEM:
| kr1 wrote: | | I like the implication ONI has FTL comms when the rest of the UNSC doesn't. |
It's more like ONI (and only certain divisions of ONI) has dedicated FTL COM buoys, while everyone else has to either bounce their signals off ships or use established buoys. But that's more a topic for MAC.
| kr1 wrote: | | First, it seems a bit odd the SIIIs would be given so much leeway, but I'm sure you'll deal with that later. |
Uh-oh, did someone touch on the main plot of the story?
| kr1 wrote: | | The other is that SPI isn't completely unknown to SIIs. Kelly recalls ODSTs using it in GoO, although that isn't necessarily the norm. |
I honestly just plain forgot this part, but there's no way for Malcolm to know that.
| kr1 wrote: | | The last is that SPI doesn't amplify speed and reaction time nearly as much as MJOLNIR, since ODSTs can wear it safely. You kind of skirted around that, but just wanted to point it out. |
I'm not sure where I talked about that, but I think you might have picked up on it when Malcolm was wondering if their reaction time was as good as his. Again, he knows nothing about the Threes, so everything he's thinking is almost pure conjecture. _________________ Superstite es non sole;
Salute es dignus.
Current Project: Ha ha ha! |
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kr1 IRC Channel Operator

Joined: 27 Feb 2007 Posts: 436 Location: UNSC Frigate September
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Posted: Sat Sep 04, 2010 4:35 pm Post subject: |
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| CaptainRaspberry wrote: | | It's more like ONI (and only certain divisions of ONI) has dedicated FTL COM buoys, while everyone else has to either bounce their signals off ships or use established buoys. But that's more a topic for MAC. |
I'd actually love to get a MAC topic on this going, because it's something internally inconsistent in the Halo universe. GoO says there's only three FTL comms that launch beacons through Slipspace, while FoR has the fleet at Reach calling for reinforcements, presumably from worlds not in the Epsilon Eridani system.
My other comments weren't really issues so much as potential issues, and you seem to have 'em covered. Like you said, it's entirely plausible Malcolm never saw SPI, and I was pointing out SPI doesn't amplify speed much because it wasn't clear if you knew. You know what you're doing, though.  _________________
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