HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Fields of Glass: Prologue
Posted by J. D. Ford (fordyman@comcast.net)
20 August 2010, 4:54 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=J._D._Ford0820100454391.html

CaptainRaspberry · Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 4:22 pm Post subject:

Aw man, now my Spartan story has to compete against your Spartan story, and I already know how awesome your previous Spartan story was. Razz

Riveting, as always. I'm dredging my brain for critiques, but on first reading, I've got nothing.

Looking forward to the next one.
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J. D. Ford · Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 10:45 pm Post subject:

Don't worry, Cap...this isn't a Spartan story. Yer safe. Smile

~J. D.
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Arthur Wellesley · Member Joined: 30 Jun 2006 Posts: 306 Location: Canada

This was quite good, JD. You are most effective at capturing the mood of a given moment: the calm before the storm, the utter chaos of battle, and the despair which follows. The only problem is that, while they worked individually, taken together they got a little jumble. Rice's blase beginning, to his sorrow over his brother's death, to his wry conversation with command, to his intense fight, and finally to his confused despair; overall, it was a fairly moody piece. This might have been better served by a slower approach.

Nonetheless, as I said, each piece of the story was well done. The action was great, and the military dialogue had the benefit of sounding authentic. The nature of Rice's saviors at the end hint at an interesting plot in the works, and I'm interested to see where you take it. I like that you've set the story on a non-canon world (or at least a world only tangential to canon) so that you can make the plot wholly yours.

Good job.

- Arthur
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Shurmanator · Posted: Wed Sep 01, 2010 12:35 am Post subject:

Finally decided to get back around to commenting, and this story made me wonder why I stopped for so long.

It kept me engaged the whole way through, and although Arthur's point about the pacing may hold some validity, it was no faster than the script of any film or television episode. Personally I don't have a problem with it.
Very descriptive writing, great character interaction, and it seems like an intriguing storyline.

Excellent job
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