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Waking Up - Chapter 3

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 1:16 pm    Post subject: Waking Up - Chapter 3 Reply with quote

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Waking Up - Chapter 3
Posted by kabu (will36@gmail.com)
20 August 2010, 4:16 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=kabu0820100416291.html
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CaptainRaspberry
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Joined: 20 Mar 2009
Posts: 56
Location: Littleton, MA

PostPosted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 4:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So I used this update to read the whole series (I missed Chapter 2 and had forgotten what happened in Chapter 1), so I'll review based on everything we have so far.

It's shaping up to be an interesting conclusion, and I definitely like the stream-of-consciousness writing you have when Jessica/Tisiphone is the POV. I'd like to see more of Colonel Fuchs, because it seems like while Tisiphone is setting up to give the big reveal, then Fuchs will be the one to act on it.

As for the latest chapter in particular, I think it was too short and didn't give us much. We got some further evidence of foul play in Jessica's murder, yes, and a smidge of backstory for the Director. It would have been nice to understand the significance of that anecdote in this chapter, though, or maybe a little bit more depth to the mystery sniper.

Still, fantastic read.
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Arthur Wellesley
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 1:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very enjoyable writing, as usual, kabu. Your style has a light, playful quality that makes it quite delightful. You also showed a deft hand at effective description with the story of the director's leg. The plot, meanwhile, continues to intrigue, though I feel I'm ready for some real movement. Which brings me to my solitary complaint: a little short, no? You've certainly left me wanting more.

Good job.

- Arthur
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