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Halo: a New Spartan Chapter.1

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri May 21, 2010 1:16 pm    Post subject: Halo: a New Spartan Chapter.1 Reply with quote

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Halo: a New Spartan Chapter.1
Posted by George3222 (fatguy_500@yahoo.com)
19 May 2010, 3:50 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=George32220519100350461.html
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baneofdeath
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Joined: 30 Apr 2008
Posts: 39
Location: If i tell you will you promise not to come to my house and rape me?

PostPosted: Fri May 21, 2010 6:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can understand you just writing for the fun of it. But after the comments i left last week id assume you would at least try to take it into account. This chapter has no character development, a terrible portrayal of both the Chief and Hasley, and a totally unbelieveable storyline.
Beyond just doing this for fun, if you are going to take the time to write a story then you should at least take the extra time to make it good. Even just a small improvement would show that you ate trying.
If you just want to do this for the sake of doing it; without even putting any effort into making it better, then i suppose that is fine. But id strongly reccomend at least trying to improve.
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eb4642
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Joined: 09 May 2009
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PostPosted: Fri May 21, 2010 11:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Y'know, I spent quite a bit of time considering how to write a careful, considered critique of this... submission. Then it struck me that it wasn't worth the time.

I may still write a detailed, descriptive critique of everything wrong with this (which is approaching PhD thesis-length) if, come next week, the author still hasn't taken the hints baneofdeath has very kindly offered to him.

In the meantime, the most constructive thing I can think of is this:


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