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hboff Site Admin
Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351
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baneofdeath Member

Joined: 30 Apr 2008 Posts: 39 Location: If i tell you will you promise not to come to my house and rape me?
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Posted: Fri May 21, 2010 6:50 pm Post subject: |
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I can understand you just writing for the fun of it. But after the comments i left last week id assume you would at least try to take it into account. This chapter has no character development, a terrible portrayal of both the Chief and Hasley, and a totally unbelieveable storyline.
Beyond just doing this for fun, if you are going to take the time to write a story then you should at least take the extra time to make it good. Even just a small improvement would show that you ate trying.
If you just want to do this for the sake of doing it; without even putting any effort into making it better, then i suppose that is fine. But id strongly reccomend at least trying to improve. _________________ One must take responsibility for their actions, which is why i take no action.
Wow player, level 80 warrior on durotan, named: Baneofdeath |
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eb4642 IRC Channel Operator

Joined: 09 May 2009 Posts: 77 Location: The Hobbit Hole
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Posted: Fri May 21, 2010 11:22 pm Post subject: |
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Y'know, I spent quite a bit of time considering how to write a careful, considered critique of this... submission. Then it struck me that it wasn't worth the time.
I may still write a detailed, descriptive critique of everything wrong with this (which is approaching PhD thesis-length) if, come next week, the author still hasn't taken the hints baneofdeath has very kindly offered to him.
In the meantime, the most constructive thing I can think of is this:
 _________________ The Elitist Bastard | Writing is the business of professional turd-polishing.
"(don't take this review too seriously) If you doubt this is possible, how is it there are PYGMIES + DWARFS??" |
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