HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Soldier Girl: Part 15

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Fri May 14, 2010 2:56 pm    Post subject: Soldier Girl: Part 15 Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

Soldier Girl: Part 15
Posted by Adam Stark (Xvash2@gmail.com)
14 May 2010, 7:12 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Adam_Stark0514100712061.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
baneofdeath
Member


Joined: 30 Apr 2008
Posts: 39
Location: If i tell you will you promise not to come to my house and rape me?

PostPosted: Sat May 15, 2010 5:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
So they waited there, time ticking away until the doors would open.

But a shockwave ripped through the corridor. An explosive tore the steel doors away from the corridor, bending back panels and knocking out electrical systems. Small fires now lit the hallway as those still conscious tried to get their bearings. Sanderson looked around, trying to hear anything, but all she could feel was the blood running from her ears. Flashes of light erupted in the dust that remained unsettled from the blast, but no sound. She grabbed the side of the barricade, pulling herself up. The marine next to her got hit. She got to her knees, shouldering her rifle. Lights flickered down the corridor, creating brief glimpses of the 'fugees that slugged forward down the hall. Several marines had clicked on the lights on their barrels, trying to pick their shots with their flashlights.

Sanderson wiped the blood from the sides of her face and began firing, lighting the corridor with her muzzle flashes. A grenade took off several panels from the ceiling, rocking them further. The doors to the bridge opened, a fire team of ODSTs bursting through, spraying M/7s as they made their way past the barricade and down the corridor. Sanderson ducked down, letting them do their work. She looked as the doors opened again, the admiral stepping out, wielding an M6. She realized who he was that instant. That name, from the mountain.


I had to read through that part several times, it happened a bit too fast.

Otherwise, i thought this was well written, even if it felt a bit rushed at times.
_________________
One must take responsibility for their actions, which is why i take no action.

Wow player, level 80 warrior on durotan, named: Baneofdeath
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
kr1
IRC Channel Operator


Joined: 27 Feb 2007
Posts: 436
Location: UNSC Frigate September

PostPosted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 6:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've never followed your series closely here, but it's always been consistently well-written, and you get points for keeping it up. It's been long-running. I have a bit of the same criticism as bane, though. This was good, but everything seemed to happen a bit too quickly. It could've stood to have been a bit longer. And I wasn't too sure of the context, but that's my fault for not keeping up.

Nice work, though.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group