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Glorifying War

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Fri May 07, 2010 11:27 am    Post subject: Glorifying War Reply with quote

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Glorifying War
Posted by Harbringer352 (nank4@digitalpath.net)
6 May 2010, 2:03 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Harbringer350506100203541.html
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Harbringer352
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Joined: 04 Jan 2010
Posts: 52

PostPosted: Sat May 08, 2010 7:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, my vocabulary for this was overdone - I read the thesaurus the other day and my brain is up-chucking words. Aye?
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Arthur Wellesley
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Joined: 30 Jun 2006
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PostPosted: Wed May 12, 2010 3:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Once again, excellent work, Harbringer. This is further proof of your very readable style. Your descriptive passage at the beginning was very effective at setting the scene, but you also showed yourself to be adept at writing a convincing action sequence. Your protagonist's stalking and killing of the Covenant stragglers was well done. Her short conversation with her "boss" was also good, establishing both context and character in a relatively short space. As well, the encounter with the dying civilian added just the right amount of horror.

Nonetheless, despite the greater length of this piece, I still ultimately found it to be a little shallow. This wanted for both plot and context. I don't really know who your protagonist is, why she's doing what she's doing, or even when or where this took place (post-war Africa being rather broad.) I would love for you to find a more compelling vehicle for your delightful style.

I look forward to what you come up with.

- Arthur
_________________
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. - Napoleon
Current Project: Vestal Flame. Current Word Count: 27,017
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Harbringer352
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Joined: 04 Jan 2010
Posts: 52

PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2010 12:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you for reviewing again, Arthur! It really helps. Like the last one, these are 'filler' fics, I guess... just stalling until I find a series to start. But thanks! Very Happy
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