HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Waking Up - Chapter 2
Posted by kabu (will36@gmail.com)
23 April 2010, 6:14 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=kabu0423100614491.html

Harbringer352 · Member Joined: 04 Jan 2010 Posts: 52

WOO! New chapter! Unfortunately, I don't have a joke again, but I will tell you this was a good chapter. I really like the main character. Looking forward to another chapter!

Arthur Wellesley · Member Joined: 30 Jun 2006 Posts: 306 Location: Canada

This is an excellent follow up, kabu. My only complaint last time was that you did not allow Jessica a moment to really feel the weight of her death. You accomplished this very well here. Her sensory memories were beautifully described, and let us feel her regret at never being able to feel them again. That she presses on to celebrate the power of her new situation can be chalked up to an eccentric personality, but that personality felt much more human in this chapter.

It is Jessica's personality and mannerisms that really drive this, though. Congrats on making such an entertaining character to complement such an interesting concept. I look forward to Jessica's investigation into her own death.

Well written, well conceived. Excellent work, as usual, kabu.

- Arthur
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