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Waking Up - Chapter 2

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 30, 2010 11:51 am    Post subject: Waking Up - Chapter 2 Reply with quote

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Waking Up - Chapter 2
Posted by kabu (will36@gmail.com)
23 April 2010, 6:14 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=kabu0423100614491.html
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Harbringer352
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Joined: 04 Jan 2010
Posts: 52

PostPosted: Fri Apr 30, 2010 9:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

WOO! New chapter! Unfortunately, I don't have a joke again, but I will tell you this was a good chapter. I really like the main character. Looking forward to another chapter!
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Arthur Wellesley
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Joined: 30 Jun 2006
Posts: 306
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PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2010 7:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is an excellent follow up, kabu. My only complaint last time was that you did not allow Jessica a moment to really feel the weight of her death. You accomplished this very well here. Her sensory memories were beautifully described, and let us feel her regret at never being able to feel them again. That she presses on to celebrate the power of her new situation can be chalked up to an eccentric personality, but that personality felt much more human in this chapter.

It is Jessica's personality and mannerisms that really drive this, though. Congrats on making such an entertaining character to complement such an interesting concept. I look forward to Jessica's investigation into her own death.

Well written, well conceived. Excellent work, as usual, kabu.

- Arthur
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