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Lewis and Clark, Ch 1 - Pandora

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 16, 2010 3:11 pm    Post subject: Lewis and Clark, Ch 1 - Pandora Reply with quote

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Lewis and Clark, Ch 1 - Pandora
Posted by Society For The Ancients (sfta@thewaytheirworldended.com)
16 April 2010, 5:43 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Society_For_0416100543311.html
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Shurmanator
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Joined: 14 Aug 2009
Posts: 51
Location: Not Where I Should Be

PostPosted: Fri Apr 16, 2010 5:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alright, good stuff first.
The language sticks out, very advanced, and very descriptive. Good job with that. Also, it appears to be very original. That's always been a big selling point for me.

I only have one complaint. Your pacing seems to be a bit off; the story transitions between introspective descriptions to techinical facts too quickly. I wouldn't call it choppy; the story still flows, but it seems as if two different writing styles are blending together. It's not that noticeable of a problem, but its still there.

Nonetheless, this was very well done, and a good start.
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SFTA
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PostPosted: Fri May 07, 2010 2:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you. I'm glad you noticed the originality. We're trying to stray away from the common ground, exploring other aspects of the universe, new people and places, while keeping true to Halo.

Sidenote, Naira's Shipwreck chapter 2 has been submitted and published.
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