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Halo Clairvoyance - Chapter 5

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2010 2:22 pm    Post subject: Halo Clairvoyance - Chapter 5 Reply with quote

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Halo Clairvoyance - Chapter 5
Posted by Halochief89 (Halochief89@hotmail.com)
2 April 2010, 11:39 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Halochief890402101139591.html
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Harbringer352
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Joined: 04 Jan 2010
Posts: 52

PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2010 7:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, so there are sentences that seem too broken. The very first one to begin with:

Quote:
"Someone tell me what the hells goin on down there!" Captain Patterberg spat, he tried to calm himself down with a quick sip of his coffee.


Replace with:

Quote:
"Someone tell me what the hell is going on down there!" spat Captain Patterberg. He tried to calm himself down with a quick sip of his coffee.


Many of the sentences are like this. They seem disjointed and use of periods correctly is virtually nonexistent. Other than that, nice story. Smile
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Halochief89
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Joined: 14 Jun 2008
Posts: 5
Location: Spokane WA

PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2010 8:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, the chapter was written on another computer, I used a USB to transfer it to my PC. When I opened it the entire piece was messed up and almost every part of it was covered by- and [] sign. I had to edit the entire thing and I probably forgot many punctuations and I rewrote alot of the sentences that were corrupted.
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Harbringer352
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Joined: 04 Jan 2010
Posts: 52

PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2010 11:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

'S cool. I totally know what that's like.
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eb4642
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Joined: 09 May 2009
Posts: 77
Location: The Dark Tower of NW10

PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2010 11:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

One word.

PARAGRAPHS.
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