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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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Harbringer352
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Joined: 04 Jan 2010
Posts: 52
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 Posted: Fri Apr 02, 2010 7:05 pm Post subject: |
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Okay, so there are sentences that seem too broken. The very first one to begin with:
| Quote: | | "Someone tell me what the hells goin on down there!" Captain Patterberg spat, he tried to calm himself down with a quick sip of his coffee. |
Replace with:
| Quote: | | "Someone tell me what the hell is going on down there!" spat Captain Patterberg. He tried to calm himself down with a quick sip of his coffee. |
Many of the sentences are like this. They seem disjointed and use of periods correctly is virtually nonexistent. Other than that, nice story.  |
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Halochief89
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Joined: 14 Jun 2008
Posts: 5
Location: Spokane WA
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| Posted: Fri Apr 02, 2010 8:37 pm Post subject: |
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| Yeah, the chapter was written on another computer, I used a USB to transfer it to my PC. When I opened it the entire piece was messed up and almost every part of it was covered by- Ò and [] sign. I had to edit the entire thing and I probably forgot many punctuations and I rewrote alot of the sentences that were corrupted. |
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Harbringer352
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Joined: 04 Jan 2010
Posts: 52
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| Posted: Fri Apr 02, 2010 11:34 pm Post subject: |
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| 'S cool. I totally know what that's like. |
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eb4642
IRC Channel Operator
Joined: 09 May 2009
Posts: 77
Location: The Hobbit Hole
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| Posted: Fri Apr 02, 2010 11:40 pm Post subject: |
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One word.
PARAGRAPHS.
_________________
The Elitist Bastard | Writing is the business of professional turd-polishing.
"(don't take this review too seriously) If you doubt this is possible, how is it there are PYGMIES + DWARFS??" |
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