HBO Fan Fiction

[hboff]

This topic is for posting comments to:

Titans of Warefare- Part 1
Posted by spartan shot (farfrompuken191@cs.com)
29 March 2010, 11:07 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=spartan_shot0329102307511.html

[spartan shot]

OK , after proof reading this dam entry SIX TIMES I spelt the title wrong. FML. It's Titans of Warfare. Since i know that half the people on this site don't read past the first mistake, I think I've screwed myself.

[(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher]

I think that is a little unfair, and when people see a comment like that, they definitely don't read past that. Insulting your audience is never a good way to get them to read it.

My review of it will be in this week's fic pick.
_________________

"My appreciation for being quoted is being masked by my distaste for your incompetence, Gallagher" - Shrumertaor
Idea, Plot, Character, and Forum Signatures

[spartan shot]

I meant no offense. But you can't lie it is kinda true. Hell, I wouldn't read an article if the writer made a mistake like that. But guess I owe an apology. Sorry.

[Wolverfrog]

First off, I'm going to say the Spartans sounded WAY too emotional. They're cold and calculating. They do joke amongst themselves sometimes, but they don't whine at each other like teenagers.

If you don't mind me saying, I thought it was a little boring as well. Dialogue and emotional scenes are all well and good, but they aren't when they drone on for a long time, especially when you're talking about the same subject for all that time.

I saw a few punctuation errors, but that doesn't really bother me too much.

Reading on, I noticed another problem. The Spartans sound too casual. They rarely, if ever converse with normal soldiers. I get the feeling that you've written an ODST or marine fan fiction in the past and their dialogue is being transferred to your Spartans -- that's not the way to go.

Indeed, one of the main reasons I rarely make Spartans my main protagonists is because they're quite 2 dimensional characters. Marines, ODSTs, naval officers, and even members of the Covenant are much more interesting.

The writing itself was rather good, and you did a decent job of conveying the scene. I had a solid enough imagine in my mind as I read.

All in all, this was a good piece, but not without faults in characterisation, dialogue, and plot elements.

[spartan shot]

Good guess on that ODST, marine assumption

[spartan shot]

I just wanna make 1 more point on these Spartans being too emotional. I wanted the protagonist to seem more human than Spartan standards. It will tell you why as the story unravels.

[Harbringer352]

I agree with Wolvers. The descriptions seem broken up; the last two paragraphs in particular.

[eb4642]

[spartan shot]

You're givin me the feeling that you think the storys over. Its not. he hasnt saved the day.....yet.