HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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Waking Up - Chapter 1
Posted by kabu (will36@gmail.com)
19 March 2010, 2:09 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=kabu0319100209151.html

Mark Lieberg · Posted: Fri Mar 19, 2010 2:19 pm Post subject:

One word.

Wow.
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kabu · Posted: Fri Mar 19, 2010 4:52 pm Post subject:

:D
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Harbringer352 · Member Joined: 04 Jan 2010 Posts: 52

Holy Saint Francis, this is good! Can't wait to see more... and Jessica's personality is amazingly believable.

(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher · Posted: Sat Mar 20, 2010 3:43 pm Post subject:

Yup, I agree with Harbinger. Jessica is a great character, and this is a great story.

I want moar.
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kr1 · Posted: Sun Mar 21, 2010 4:08 pm Post subject:

Thoroughly enjoyed this, kabu. I wasn't expecting it to be posted so soon, and I think switching Mitchell's scene from third to first POV was a good choice.

Honestly, there's lots of little things about this I thought stood out. Jessica's dying moments were excellently done in that matter-of-fact way so many injured or dying people seem to get. I loved the little interruptions of her memories as she's being transferred to an AI consciousness (imperfect description, but I don't really know what to call the process).

The one thing that gets me, though, is your portrayal of AI memories. Don't get me wrong, it's thoroughly enjoyable to read, but I always thought it was pretty clear that AIs were pretty separate from the humans they were created from. At most they have a few fleeting memories, but no real recollection of their past lives beyond little abstract bits of information. The timeline for this isn't clear, though, so maybe it's an advancement in the process? I dunno.

Other than that little nitpick, though, excellent work.
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CaptainRaspberry · Posted: Sun Mar 21, 2010 4:17 pm Post subject:

As usual, you skate the line between humorous and grim like an expert. The scene in which Jessica dies is detached but accessible, which made me question what it would be like to get shot without realizing it would happen.

(I guess my only concern is who shot her and why, but I suppose that will be explored later.)

Similarly, the chapter begins and ends on funny notes, which keeps us from getting bogged down in the drama.

Way to go. I look forward to reading the future updates!
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kabu · Posted: Sun Mar 21, 2010 5:19 pm Post subject:

Arthur Wellesley · Member Joined: 30 Jun 2006 Posts: 306 Location: Canada

I decided to emerge from the shadows to comment on this one.

I love the concept; a modern day version of the supernatural "life after death" story, justified by technology. This opens up a seemingly endless array of intriguing possibilities. Using Jessica/Tisiphone to find out who the killer is (I enjoyed the mythological tie-in here) is the most obvious, and I look forward to how you handle this. Jessica seems to have a robust personality, which is always nice to see in a female character; they often turn out feeling kind of stock, in both professional and non-professional work. Following her journey will be interesting.

Overall, this was a compelling introduction. My only complaint would be that maybe you laid the humor on a little thick. While I certainly have nothing against comedy, I thought you might have at least spared a moment of despair when Jessica realized she had died. Of course, that is merely preference.

Good job.

- Arthur
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