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Where Falcons Dared: Commitment

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2010 12:54 pm    Post subject: Where Falcons Dared: Commitment Reply with quote

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Where Falcons Dared: Commitment
Posted by (ENS) Rabid_Gallagher and Jake Trommer (anthony.peter.davis@gmail.com)
17 March 2010, 10:26 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=ENS_Rabid_Ga0317102226301.html
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2010 3:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Be prepared; it -is- long.
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Shurmanator
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2010 2:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Indeed, 'twas long, but 'twas good as well.

The plot is moving along nicely; not giving too much away but keeping it going forward. The cast of characters is great, probably one of the best parts of this series, both new ones and returning ones. The descriptions of the action scenes were really good as well.

Two things, though.
Descriptions and lengthy dialouge are all well and good, but occasionally I see too much information crammed into a single sentence. The asari's scolding of the turians hatred for humans was really abrupt and lengthy; I understood it, but I feel as if it could have been broken up into more senteneces or given a better lead in. Same with several conversations had between the Specters and the Illusive Man. Again, I still can understand what the characters are trying to say, it just seems a little rushed.

And the second thing. Didn't Captain Kirahhee die on Virmire? Razz


I still really like this series so far though. Looking forward to the next chapter.
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2010 2:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you for the constructive review! Yeah, we'll keep that advice close; I know I have a big enough problem with that.

And he can only die if you don't do a good enough job at protecting him. Very Happy
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Shurmanator
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2010 2:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher wrote:
Thank you for the constructive review! Yeah, we'll keep that advice close; I know I have a big enough problem with that.

And he can only die if you don't do a good enough job at protecting him. Very Happy


Shit really? Every playthrough I've done he dies... I thought it was scripted. I must be missing something when I'm disabling Geth defenses.
ANYWAY, its not a HUGE problem, as long as you can still understand the plot its not too distracting. Its funny; I have the exact opposite problem; I write short-ass non-descriptive ten-syllable sentences.
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 23, 2010 4:26 pm    Post subject: Plot twists Reply with quote

I am just wondering, is there going to be an appearance from Master Chief?
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