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Days of Freedom

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 15, 2004 1:10 am    Post subject: Days of Freedom Reply with quote

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Days of Freedom
Posted by WONDERLIBERTARIAN (wonderlibertarian@yahoo.com)
13 December 2004, 8:39 PM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=wonderlibert.1213042039371.html
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.

PostPosted: Wed Dec 15, 2004 7:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Code. I know, you used indents. But, those weren't real horizontal rules. [hr] does that.

I don't have a problem with ANs... as long as they are short. Next time you decide to post something like that, do it here [in the forum] and not at the beginning of the story. It just distracts from things. Especially if it doesn't have anything specifically to do with the story.

Well, there was one thing about your description of the plot that I didn't like. You described it like the war had been going on a while on Earth. Well, I don't find that plausible. I could see maybe a week for the entire thing; but long enough for another round of crops/stuff to come around, and factories to make more stuff for people? That just sounds like it has been weeks, or months.
Also, I didn't find it all that believable that civilians would still be going about their daily lives. I just don't buy into that. For one, nowhere on Earth would you be safe (though maybe cartain cities would be hit later than others) and so it just wouldn't happen, in my opinion. But, whatever.

Overall, it was a emotional story that had a negetive toan towards the beginning but pulled it back up a bit towards the end. There were some mistakes that could have been eliminated by some more proofreading. But, it was good.
By the way, spell out numbers.
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thedarkfire
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Joined: 03 Aug 2004
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Location: Thousand post land. Oh look! A pidgeon!

PostPosted: Thu Dec 16, 2004 12:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What MCC said. But on the contrary I thouroughly enjoyed this Fick despite the plausability problems. Gimme more.
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Pajari
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Joined: 28 Sep 2004
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Location: Luna

PostPosted: Thu Dec 16, 2004 1:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'd say it's pretty good, even if the ending was a bit clouded. Keep it up!
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MC's Cousin
Mr. 1337


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 16, 2004 4:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, I forgot. I still liked it.
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WONDERLIBERTARIAN
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Joined: 30 Nov 2004
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 16, 2004 2:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well.

As I said, I knew it wasn't a great story even before I posted it, and I tried to get the people at HFS to help me with it but they seemed almost entirely uninterested in it, (I got 1 reply as of last check) and I was, myself, having a lot of trouble editing it.

But as for the grievances which are found here, it is my hope that I can resolve them.

Now, admittedly, almost all that I know about Halo comes from this site (and Halo2, but this site has taught me more) and I believe that it's implied several places that Human ground troops are roughly equal to Covie ground troops, but that the real reason that humanity was so bad off was because they were being devastated in Space Battles. I presumed that there would be a lot of human troops on Earth to fight the Covies, I presumed that they would use tactics to keep the Covies (of whom there would doubtless be many) moving slow, though likely failing to stop them in any meaningful way. I estimated that going this way the Battle for Earth could last a couple of months.

Let's call it two months, in two months no matter what you do your home planet will be glassed and you and your race will likely be dead, would it be easy to loose hope? Wouldn't you rather just quit and try to hide from this rather grim reality? This is what Ames is intended to show, people in a last ditch attempt to avert their eyes before they die. No, they aren't doing business as usual, in the cigarette part I tried to make it clear that they're not (in retrospect, more of that sort of thing would have helped), but they're trying to, and the fact that they're trying to is more important than whether or not they succeed.
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