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Guns and Swords: Part 1

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4355

PostPosted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 2:50 pm    Post subject: Guns and Swords: Part 1 Reply with quote

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SYSTEM
The Hammer


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 3743
Location: Tango, Oscar, Charlie

PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 6:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The posts above were accidentally split - so here's the link to them and a summary view.

(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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Joined: 19 Oct 2004
Posts: 1199
Location: Always here to help
Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 2:28 am Post subject:
I haven't, no.

And to review the actual story:

I actually liked the idea, but I think your dialogue could use a bit of work. When you have Anakin speak in the beginning, and throughout the piece, it didn't sound like any version of Anakin I've heard, and had to fight to read it in his voice. It was same with Obi-wan, but otherwise, I do like the idea, and I do want to see more.

Just watch the grammar, spelling, and puncuation and you'll be right as rain.
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Skunk!
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Joined: 02 Mar 2010
Posts: 2
Location: Aboard the cruiser SAY MY NAME
Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 9:00 pm Post subject:
Thanks for commenting, id appreciate if you guys followed the series to critique my work, even you Pin0y86. Part two should be up soon. Thanks again see you 'round.
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kabu
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Joined: 17 Oct 2008
Posts: 201
Location: Nowhere in particular.
Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 9:01 pm Post subject:
Skunk -- I'd just like to mention, we almost never get spammers here. This is a pretty bad first impression, I guess, but welcome to hboff anyway.
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Skunk!
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Joined: 02 Mar 2010
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Posted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 2:01 am Post subject:
Also, are you implying that my grammer and spellin is already flawed or just to watch myself?
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(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
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Joined: 19 Oct 2004
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Posted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 2:02 am Post subject:
To watch it. It's something I always have to watch for when I write.
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"When in doubt, empty your magazine." - Murphy's first law of combat operations.
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