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Recovery Team Alpha: Epilouge

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 2:49 pm    Post subject: Recovery Team Alpha: Epilouge Reply with quote

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Recovery Team Alpha: Epilouge
Posted by Andrew Zimmerman (zim148@yahoo.com)
21 February 2010, 5:02 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Andrew_Zimme0221100502231.html
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CaptainRaspberry
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 4:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There's not a lot here, unfortunately. First of all, it's titled "Epilogue," even though there isn't anything before it. I thought maybe you were going to tell the tale in reverse, like start with the epilogue and then show us what happened to lead up to it.

But there's nothing to suggest that anything significant happened prior to this entry, so I can only assume you meant "Prologue."

As for the content, it has some potential, but honestly... it's fairly unremarkable. It's just a straightforward description of a battle, made all the harder to read because of the massive block of text.

The use of a journal-type frame, however, is a good and interesting start. In future updates, just remember to break it up into paragraphs for every new speaker in dialogue and for every new idea in the text.
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