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Halo Movie Fan Script p.1-24

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 1:12 pm    Post subject: Halo Movie Fan Script p.1-24 Reply with quote

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Halo Movie Fan Script p.1-24
Posted by Matthew Kimble (savage_percussion@yahoo.com)
2 February 2010, 11:19 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Matthew_Kimb0202102319021.html
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eb4642
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Joined: 09 May 2009
Posts: 77
Location: The Dark Tower of NW10

PostPosted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 8:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ungh.

This is OK - you've at least made an effort to create decent characters, and the grammar is mostly passable.

However, its formatting is very, very poor, and your dialogue also feels cringeworthy at times. For example:

Quote:
A group of Elites are now standing together near the bottom as a scout Elite team joins them.
Elite 2: Did you find the humans?
Elite 3: (hesitates) not even a body, honorable leader.
Elite 2: (roars loudly, steps forward) you are useless!
Elite 2 knocks Elite 3 halfway up the ridgeline and into the stump where Murphy and the Captain had used to hide.


Also, the plot is way too rambly. If I'd popped this into the DVD player and this was the first twenty-four minutes (remember, one page of A4/letter ~= one minute) I'd be reaching for the fast forward button.

Overall, not excellent, but still a good effort. Keep it up and you'll improve. Very Happy
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"(don't take this review too seriously) If you doubt this is possible, how is it there are PYGMIES + DWARFS??"
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matt_kimble
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Joined: 15 Feb 2010
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 3:15 am    Post subject: meh. Reply with quote

it was my first attempt.

war is the h-word(not sure about the profanity rules here yet), and that's exactly what i want to convey.

and i kinda abandoned the other one when i noticed i had hit a wall, and i couldn't go anywhere else with it.

i realized that i wanted to do something quite a bit darker, and here's a preview of the beginning.

The film begins with horror-style orchestra music while a dim sun appears on the screen.

A man’s voice begins to talk.

Voice: My mother used to say to me to always look up. To look up for forgiveness, advice, or even deliverance. In space, there is nothing. It is nothing. There’s no hand reaching down for you. Only darkness and silence. So mind-numbingly cold you lose all sense of up, down, left, or right. The diamonds in the sky you saw as a kid suddenly aren’t so far away anymore. I can handle that. What no one can handle is the fear. It works its way into you until you feel as empty as the space around you. And it consumes everything until nothing is left. You can scream and scream for as loud and long as you can. But help will never come.

As the quote ends, we move away from the sun and the glowing horizon of a planet comes into view.

In a split-second a musical score begins and the horizon becomes the “O” in HALO as it zooms out to show the HALO logo.

We go through a space-themed credits sequence.

The musical score cuts very abruptly.

We slowly pan down a futuristic street at about head level. A tornado warning-like siren is sounding. Abandoned cars litter the street, and some are on fire. Others are untouched, and some have already been burned out. Bodies lie everywhere, and small pools of blood are visible. On a bench, the backing is a thin TV-screen. It is damaged and some static is seen on it. The word “invasion” is seen for a few moments until the screen sparks violently and goes out. While the previous scene was happening, “Interlude” by Muse was playing.(looped). The air has sort of a dark, blue-ish tinge to it.

We zoom up and away from the street to a birdseye view. Fires are seen, and the siren is still sounding. Then a fast-moving pelican wipes frame, followed by 2 more. The camera pans up to see the aircraft vanishing into the heavily overcast sky.

We now cut to the interior of the cargo bay in one of the pelicans. It is loud, and the engines outside on the wings are heard. The cargo bay is shaking from the turbulence, and we see several soldiers with helmets on, weapons in between their knees. They are seated.

We favor one soldier. His helmet is bowed over, looking down at the ground.
Several small flashbacks are seen.

#1: The soldier is reciting an oath before a United Nations flag.

#2: The soldier is standing at a table talking to who are presumed to be his parents. His sister(young, 4-6 yrs. old). He says he has to go. She runs to him and hugs his leg, begging him not to go.

#3: He is standing is formation before a man of obviously higher rank. The man says they will be deployed soon, contact has been lost with the planet Harvest.

We cut back to the same view of the hunched-over soldier. He takes off his helmet, revealing a young, fresh-faced kid. He looks no older than 20. He looks very distressed, but not crying. He closes his eyes and puts a pained look on his face, then leans back and puts his head against the wall of the cargo bay.

We zoom out slightly away from his face, back to a full view of the cargo bay.

A man of higher rank walks into the cargo bay from the flight deck. He is dressed in the same gear as the others, but has insignia of that unspecified rank on his shoulders. His helmet is off, his arm holding it at his side. His weapon, a battle rifle, is in a holster on his back.

He speaks.

Capt. Youngblood: Three minutes! (He holds up three fingers)

The men now busy themselves, tapping their wrist units(it appears to be what a gauntlet would look like, and there is a small screen and several buttons on it) and checking their weapons.

The checking of all systems continues until the men are satisfied. They sit back.

A voice yells from the cockpit.

Pilot: Sixty seconds!

Some men stay at the ready, some bow their heads, and others cross themselves. They nervously wait, and we hear the engines of the pelican intensify as it slows down. The men stand up now.

The pilot speaks again.

Pilot: Ramp down! 10 seconds!

We favor a view from the flight deck as the ramp opens. Dim light filters in as it slowly opens.

Captain Youngblood steps forward with the rest of the soldiers. We favor his view, as he is standing at the end of the ramp. The ground is seen, and becomes clearer as the pelican comes to a dead halt.

The ground below is a marsh, muddy and wet. The pelican lowers a bit.

Captain Youngblood: Go, go, go, go! (He motions for them to move)

The soldiers jump out of the pelican, right into battle. As the soldiers are jumping out, we zoom out and favor a view of the whole pelican.

We cut to a view of two banshees flying above the marsh. They come in very fast and fire.

The fire hits the left wing of the pelican, destroying the engine in a hail of sparks and fire. It spins violently, throwing out the men who hadn’t jumped from it yet. Screams are heard, and the pelican goes down. It hits the ground in a geyser of mud and water. The remaining fuel sets the left side of the aircraft ablaze, and soldiers are seen running toward it. We favor the ramp, now twisted and charred. Two men crawl from the cargo bay. The other soldiers arrive and begin pulling them away from the wreckage under covenant fire. Explosions are going off all over the marsh.

The UNSC are taking cover on one side of a dried-out concrete canal, about 40 feet deep and 60 feet across. There is a small concrete access bridge going across it. The marsh is situated in a forest, the trees either dead or charred. The UNSC have footsoldiers, scorpions, and warthogs.

The covenant are on the other side of the canal, firing back with elites, grunts, jackals, and wraiths.
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