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On the Brink

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 22, 2010 2:45 pm    Post subject: On the Brink Reply with quote

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On the Brink
Posted by grantix (grantixtechno@gmail.com)
21 January 2010, 7:46 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=grantix0121101946281.html
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grantix
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Joined: 10 Nov 2005
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 22, 2010 8:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's not very clear, but this is the first in a series.
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Harbringer352
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Joined: 04 Jan 2010
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmmm... I think the ship All's Well is a little awkward to say. I mean, it doesn't sound right. Maybe you could change it to All is Well.

Other than that, I liked the descriptions. Allowed for easy visualizing. Maybe a bit over-done in some places.

I look forward to the rest! Wink
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kr1
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Joined: 27 Feb 2007
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 02, 2010 12:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I read this about a week back, and I have to say it's an intriguing opener. I'm a little bit fuzzy because of the time between reading and commenting, but I enjoyed it, and liked the flashback combined with the fight club in the beginning. I'll give it another read through and get back to you, though, just wanted to let you know you've gt an audience. Wink
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