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hboff Site Admin
Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4377
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Mark Lieberg Member

Joined: 12 Nov 2004 Posts: 770 Location: South Korea
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Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2004 8:25 am Post subject: |
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Code...anyways.. Good story. Continue on and you just do fine. Just remember. CODE _________________ Mark Lieberg
#179/1204
"Studying Computer Information Systems (That's Programming for you retards out there)" |
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(Na)Marl Member

Joined: 03 Nov 2004 Posts: 689 Location: --Looking for you! I have a knife!
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Posted: Fri Dec 17, 2004 10:43 pm Post subject: |
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--You forgot to write Code in bold. It's Code!  |
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MC's Cousin Mr. 1337

Joined: 30 Jul 2004 Posts: 2142 Location: Here.
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Posted: Fri Dec 17, 2004 11:38 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah, I noticed that, too. You most certainly need to use coding in your stories. It will really help.
Paragraphing also. You need to use it. For instance, separate up that dialogue. Makes things easy to read.
And, watch what you abbreviate in your speach. CP is just not something that gets said that way all too often. Now, HQ or COM or CINC or SINC or XO and stuff can.
Spell out numbers as well.
Watch that formatting. It looks like you just typed it up, threw it in the submission form, and then pressed submit and walked away. First, you should proofread; second, you should look over things when you put them in the submission form; and third, you should get your formatting right before you post it.
Oh, and I would suggest that you not use FPPoV (First Person Point of View). It is really tricky to make a story good using it, and so I would not mess with it as you are a newcomer to writing.
One reason to switch is that in FP, you just don't use as much detail as you would with third.
But, you should use more detail regardless. That is one thing I really started to notice. Things flew by really fast because you didn't explain or describe much of anything.
You need to capitalize those proper nouns. This includes Covenant and Pelican and Marine and any weapon, other vehicle, or species.
Overall, you have a lot of smoothing out to do. Use our advice and improve yourself as best you can. And check out the guides around here while you're at it; they should help a lot. _________________ -MCC |
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