HBO Fan Fiction

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War is Hell
Posted by LT Spears (Dasbeaglehaus9@netzero.com)
12 December 2004, 1:02 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=lt_spears.1212040102102.html

[Mark Lieberg]

Code...anyways.. Good story. Continue on and you just do fine. Just remember. CODE
_________________
Mark Lieberg
#179/1204
"Studying Computer Information Systems (That's Programming for you retards out there)"

[(Na)Marl]

--You forgot to write Code in bold. It's Code!

[MC's Cousin]

Yeah, I noticed that, too. You most certainly need to use coding in your stories. It will really help.

Paragraphing also. You need to use it. For instance, separate up that dialogue. Makes things easy to read.
And, watch what you abbreviate in your speach. CP is just not something that gets said that way all too often. Now, HQ or COM or CINC or SINC or XO and stuff can.
Spell out numbers as well.
Watch that formatting. It looks like you just typed it up, threw it in the submission form, and then pressed submit and walked away. First, you should proofread; second, you should look over things when you put them in the submission form; and third, you should get your formatting right before you post it.

Oh, and I would suggest that you not use FPPoV (First Person Point of View). It is really tricky to make a story good using it, and so I would not mess with it as you are a newcomer to writing.
One reason to switch is that in FP, you just don't use as much detail as you would with third.
But, you should use more detail regardless. That is one thing I really started to notice. Things flew by really fast because you didn't explain or describe much of anything.

You need to capitalize those proper nouns. This includes Covenant and Pelican and Marine and any weapon, other vehicle, or species.

Overall, you have a lot of smoothing out to do. Use our advice and improve yourself as best you can. And check out the guides around here while you're at it; they should help a lot.
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-MCC