HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index HBO Fan Fiction
Forum for HBO Fan Fiction Related Stuff
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

War is Hell

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
hboff
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 4356

PostPosted: Wed Dec 15, 2004 1:09 am    Post subject: War is Hell Reply with quote

This topic is for posting comments to:

War is Hell
Posted by LT Spears (Dasbeaglehaus9@netzero.com)
12 December 2004, 1:02 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=lt_spears.1212040102102.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Mark Lieberg
Member


Joined: 12 Nov 2004
Posts: 770
Location: South Korea

PostPosted: Thu Dec 16, 2004 8:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Code...anyways.. Good story. Continue on and you just do fine. Just remember. CODE
_________________
Mark Lieberg
#179/1204
"Studying Computer Information Systems (That's Programming for you retards out there)"
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
(Na)Marl
Member


Joined: 03 Nov 2004
Posts: 689
Location: --Looking for you! I have a knife!

PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2004 10:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

--You forgot to write Code in bold. It's Code! Smile
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
MC's Cousin
Mr. 1337


Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.

PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2004 11:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, I noticed that, too. You most certainly need to use coding in your stories. It will really help.

Paragraphing also. You need to use it. For instance, separate up that dialogue. Makes things easy to read.
And, watch what you abbreviate in your speach. CP is just not something that gets said that way all too often. Now, HQ or COM or CINC or SINC or XO and stuff can.
Spell out numbers as well.
Watch that formatting. It looks like you just typed it up, threw it in the submission form, and then pressed submit and walked away. First, you should proofread; second, you should look over things when you put them in the submission form; and third, you should get your formatting right before you post it.

Oh, and I would suggest that you not use FPPoV (First Person Point of View). It is really tricky to make a story good using it, and so I would not mess with it as you are a newcomer to writing.
One reason to switch is that in FP, you just don't use as much detail as you would with third.
But, you should use more detail regardless. That is one thing I really started to notice. Things flew by really fast because you didn't explain or describe much of anything.

You need to capitalize those proper nouns. This includes Covenant and Pelican and Marine and any weapon, other vehicle, or species.

Overall, you have a lot of smoothing out to do. Use our advice and improve yourself as best you can. And check out the guides around here while you're at it; they should help a lot.
_________________
-MCC
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HBO Fan Fiction Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Comments All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group