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Purifiers

 
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hboff
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Joined: 25 Jul 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 12:34 pm    Post subject: Purifiers Reply with quote

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Purifiers
Posted by Zeta (JangoMaster126@aol.com)
30 July 2004, 10:03 AM

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=zeta.0730041003331.html
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Nick Kang
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 688
Location: Michigan State University

PostPosted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 2:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So did the Humans win the battle?

Anyway, this story was awesome! It painted a clear picture in my head. I could almost hear the bullets hissing and shrieking by, and I could see flesh, grass, and dirt pasting the camera lense of my mental sight.

9.8/10!!
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echo3kilo
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 25
Location: cary, nc

PostPosted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 5:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

great story! but is this guy supposed to have the strength of 10 men, or something? it seems to me that most marines would think twice about rushing an advancing horde of covenant fighters...keep up the great work, though!
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Elitehunter676
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 61
Location: In the heat of battle with only four Marines and outnumbered three to one. Piss poor odds for them.

PostPosted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 8:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice, very nice. You did way better than me when I started out. Actually you probably do better than me period.
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Chuckles
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 1000
Location: Grand Rapids MI

PostPosted: Sat Jul 31, 2004 5:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well written and ambitious. That was a long action sequence, and they are hard to write. Good job.

C.T. Clown
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Zeta
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 17
Location: Oregon (Not pronounced "Oreegawn")

PostPosted: Sat Jul 31, 2004 10:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

echo3kilo wrote:
great story! but is this guy supposed to have the strength of 10 men, or something? it seems to me that most marines would think twice about rushing an advancing horde of covenant fighters...keep up the great work, though!


He's a Spartan, remember?(Who has slightly suicidal tendencies.) And thanks for the feedback, guys.
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White elite
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Joined: 31 Jul 2004
Posts: 26
Location: CA.SD

PostPosted: Sat Jul 31, 2004 2:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

kick ass story write more
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Helljumper
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Joined: 31 Jul 2004
Posts: 298
Location: Pittsburgh

PostPosted: Sat Jul 31, 2004 6:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was really good for a noobie.
First, ranks are capitalized so Lieutenat and such.
Second, i can't see Elites just attacking like that, with few of them having plasma weapons, hard to swallow, especially thousands of them. I can see Grunts doing it like in The Fall of Reach.
Third, I don't know if you read the 3 Halo books, but you should incase you didn't, they make the stories really good.
Fourth, take all the advice that you get in your comments, it can only help you.
Fifth, you have and ODST type questions feel free to email me or PM me.

ODST

keep it up
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MC's Cousin
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 2142
Location: Here.

PostPosted: Sun Aug 01, 2004 2:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with Helljumper, all of what he said. This was good for a n00b, keep this kind of work up.

But Hell did miss a few things. Like has already been mentioned by Echo3kilo, you did make him sound waaay strong. Understandible, like you said, he is a Spartan. But in your story you said there were thousands of Elites. I think that even a Spartan would be overcome. Perhaps I got the wrong mental picture, but I kinda was thinking about wave of Elites coming forward. On that case, the Spartan would have quickly gottne hit from all sides, and becomed overwhelmed. But I'll give you the benfit of the dought and say it was ok.
I'm not sue about suicidal tendinsies for a Spartan. They're trained to keep cool and not act in such rash ways in battle, but . . .

Also, a Spartan would not be a Corporal. Never. Spartans are Navy, and there aren't Corporals in the Navy. So that was the final mistake that I caught.

Besides that, it was good. Like I said at the beginning of this post, keep up the good work.
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Zeta
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 17
Location: Oregon (Not pronounced "Oreegawn")

PostPosted: Sun Aug 01, 2004 6:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mistakes noted, on the subject of ranks... I don't really know the Navy ranking system :\ I'll do some research before writing my next piece.
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Guardian 2
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Joined: 29 Jul 2004
Posts: 34
Location: United States of America

PostPosted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 4:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This site is good for individual ranks. More branches of the military are on the left so you can see their insignia, which are listed from least rank to greatest rank.

This site is good if you are confused on how many Marines are in, say a Battalion. Just read it and you'll understand what I mean.

I hope this helps, not only you, but all that need help with these kinds of things.
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Conrad Lauf
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Joined: 30 Jul 2004
Posts: 139
Location: Australia

PostPosted: Sat Aug 07, 2004 4:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good story, I like it when people make up ranks of the Covenant. Also, you seem to like(and are very good at) writing combat scenes, which I also share a passion for. But here's a challenge for you:
Try and make a really, REALLY good vehicle action scene, such as a Warthog being attacked-and attacking-Covenant Ghosts. Write it and post it. If you do and it's good you will be hailed as a hero on this site-by me! Very Happy

Great story!

Conrad
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