HBO Fan Fiction

[hboff]

This topic is for posting comments to:

Purity: A Halo Novel Pt. 4
Posted by Jason Rieger (j.rieger@bigpond.com)
31 December 2009, 12:12 pm

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Jason_Rieger1231091212171.html

[fallschirmjager]

Hmm. This is a tough one my fellow Australian.

Although you have lot's of action and good dialogue it suffers badly from... first person narrative.

"I did this, I did that and then I ate a bag of potato chips."

Some people might like it and even I can stand it in small doses but entire an entire series is just a stretch of my patience. I can see some good story telling but it's just too repetitive for me.

There's only so many ways you can go about saying "I did this then that", you know?

Other issues? You've broken it up in smaller text walls of doom but it's still taxing to read. Break it up more and don't forget to [indent] new paragraphs.

It's definitely an interesting story and I quite liked the market scene but again it was difficult to read because of the style of narrative and the lay out of the text.
_________________
We lie beneath the stars at night, our hands gripping each other tight.

Will you keep my secrets hope to die?

[Harbringer352]

Hmm... wasn't sure what this was about, at first, but Cortana's line kinda caught me.