HBO Fan Fiction

hboff · Site Admin Joined: 25 Jul 2004 Posts: 4351

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A Looming Threat
Posted by Polamee (harbingerofcalamity@gmail.com )
23 December 2009, 2:20 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=Polamee1223090220441.html

kabu · Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 5:47 pm Post subject:

I like this, but you have taken on a heavy load. Not only have you chosen two protagonists, one of them is an Elite -- and it is very, very difficult to write an alien perspective. You seem to be doing alright so far, though.

Okay. In general I'm not fond of post-H3 stories, but there have been several excellent ones. This story has great potential and a good political setup, but you should work on your writing a bit -- word repetition and a missing verb when you introduce our human protagonist. Just read the piece aloud before hitting "Submit."
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