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In Which Nothing Explodes - A 'Bad Days' Story

 
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hboff
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 4:41 pm    Post subject: In Which Nothing Explodes - A 'Bad Days' Story Reply with quote

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In Which Nothing Explodes - A 'Bad Days' Story
Posted by kabu (will36@gmail.com)
27 November 2009, 3:49 am

http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=kabu1127090349191.html
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kr1
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 1:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Took me a little longer than I expected to read this, and as usual, it's quality stuff.

I'm particularly fond of the title here, and the chit-chat in the 'Hog was entertaining. Gabe's talk of sex with a Spartan sounds appropriately terrifying, as well. I enjoyed your handling of the Engineer, too.

Did you send me the first half of this story before, though? The first half read awful familiarly. Didn't enjoy it any less for it, though.

Overall, good work here, kabu. Wink
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kabu
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 1:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I probably sent you the first half a month or so ago.

I wrote the rough draft of the first half in August, then hit writers' block when ODST stole my plot (damn you bungie!) so I held off on this for a while.

This one is a bit too silly and neat for my taste, but I still enjoyed writing it. I hope to write something a bit more substantial soon.
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kr1
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 2:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, that might have been my only complaint here. This read like a bit of a filler piece. It was good, but it was shorter and nothing much happened. It didn't detract from the story at all, though.
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CaptainRaspberry
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 3:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

kr-1426 wrote:
Yeah, that might have been my only complaint here. This read like a bit of a filler piece. It was good, but it was shorter and nothing much happened. It didn't detract from the story at all, though.


I completely agree. It was total garbage.

SHAAAME.

It would be interesting if the Engineer became a recurring character too. Not to swell your dramatis personae a lot, but I think you could probably squeeze a few gags out of 'im.
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Jake Trommer
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2009 12:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry it took me so long to get to this---anyway,this is filled with your usual dry fare. Your AI character is hilarious, and I literally lol'ed when I read the bit about Diana and Gabe doing it. I think it's a shame the Engineer won't be coming back, but great work overall.
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Arthur Wellesley
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 09, 2009 9:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry for my prolonged absence, guys. I swear, I've been here the whole time.

Anyway, great installment, kabu. A lot of description here, which we don't always see from you. It was quite beautiful. You describe the woods in winter time like one who is intimately familiar with the sight. Being Canadian, I share your affinity for a wintry forest. I loved how you let us see it.

The idle banter about Gabe sexing up a Spartan chick was appropriately hilarious and very human. One must struggle to get around the physics of such an act (isn't that what you're studying?) It served as a good reminder that no matter what the danger or deprivation, men will always be fixated on sex.

The reveal of the engineer was well handled too. The unusual place that engineers play in canon fit very well the oddity of your story and general style. This strange little creature fixing the Marines' warthog, offering a friendly greeting, and then floating away seemed like a perfectly natural thing to happen in this story, despite its obvious absurdity.

GPS was mostly perfect, though a few times you used a capital letter when identifying a speaker (ie: "Hi," He said.) Other than that, good.

As usual, your story enterained me and your style delighted me. Great job.

- Arthur
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kabu
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 10, 2009 12:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks!

Force equals mass times acceleration, and pressure equals force per meter squared. A spartan weighs a thousand pounds and likely has a good deal of... acceleration. ^.^

I've actually been working a bit of "winter forest" into my stories lately -- though oddly enough, I'm more familiar with summer/autumn forest. Mainly I'm trying to feel how a planet with a blue-white sun would look.
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